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Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to protect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy sources such as coal and oil is less expensive, what is your suggestion? v.2

Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to protect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy sources such as coal and oil is less expensive, what is your suggestion? v. 2
Generally speaking, people possess different perspectives on whether we should use cleaner energy or traditional energy. While people believe the environment is important, others say that budget is what we should care. For me, my suggestion is that we should use cleaner energy. First of all, people place emphasis on environment, and using cleaner energy can protect our environment. To be more specific, cleaner energy, like solar energy, would not emit harmful element into sky or river. It can protect our environment from deterioration. In other words, we can save our earth. On the other hand, if we keep using traditional energy, we may leave our environment in an abysmal situation. The atmosphere will keep being a bad shape. Hardly can we find another plan to alleviate the pain of pollution. Thus, cleaner energy is good for our environment. Secondly, people care about employment rate, and using cleaner energy can bring more jobs. Some people may argue that switching cleaner energy from traditional energy can hurt society by reducing employment rate. However, using cleaner energy can create more jobs because cleaner energy is a new field which needed to be developed. Company or government will need more educators, researchers and workers to develop a full operated industry. Suffice it to say, using cleaner energy can create more jobs to support this industry. Last but not least, people care about money, and using cleaner energy can bring profit in long term. People may have the wrong stereotype about cleaner energy, which is cleaner energy is expensive. The truth is that, if we consider cost of health problem created by traditional energy, the beginning of cleaner energy development is not so expensive. Also, cleaner energy can bring profit if it is driven to maturity stage. For example, cleaner energy industry can sell its technology to other country. As a result, society can benefit a lot from cleaner energy. In conclusion, I suggest that we should use clean energy. Due to the environment, employment rate and money, cleaner energy is better than traditional energy.
Generally
speaking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives on whether we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, others say that budget is what we should care. For me, my suggestion is that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
energy.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
place emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, and using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
can protect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, like solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, would not emit harmful element into sky or river. It can protect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
from deterioration. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, we can save our earth. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, we may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
in an abysmal situation. The atmosphere will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
shape. Hardly can we find another plan to alleviate the pain of pollution.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our environment.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care about employment rate, and using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
can bring more jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may argue that switching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
can hurt society by reducing employment rate.
However
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
can create more jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is a new field which needed to
be developed
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will need more educators, researchers and workers to develop a full operated industry. Suffice it to say, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
can create more jobs to support this industry.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care about money, and using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
can bring profit in long term.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
stereotype about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is expensive. The truth is that, if we consider cost of health problem created by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, the beginning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
development is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
expensive.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
can bring profit if it
is driven
to maturity stage.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
industry can sell its technology to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
country.
As a result
, society can benefit a lot from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
energy.

In conclusion
, I suggest that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. Due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, employment rate and money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people suggest that using a cleaner energy to protect the environment is better, but some people say the traditional energy sources such as coal and oil is less expensive, what is your suggestion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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