Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Although modern life has brought with it improvements in people's standard of living, people are not generally happy with their lives. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Although modern life has brought with it improvements in people's standard of living, people are not generally happy with their lives. v. 1
Many divergent views exist on how best to live happy in modern life. A great number of people, including myself, are of the opinion that people are usually not happy with their life in recent times. In the following paragraphs, I will provide the rationale for my viewpoint on the matter. The primary reason for the unhappiness of modern citizens is that they need to work harder in order to pay ongoing bills. It goes without saying that nowadays, day to day needs such as electricity bills, accommodation, cost of fuel for these people's family members have been increased drastically. As a result, all the members of the family are required to work to cope with those expenses. My university classmate, Ben, is a shining example of this. He hardly has time to meet with his parents as he and his mom and dad are working down to dusk to earn money for their ongoing accommodation costs in the downtown area. As this example illustrates, people are required to work harder to fulfil the requirement in today's costly lifestyle which makes them unhappy. Not only do people required to work hard, but they also suffer from many mental and physical illnesses in their life. It stands to the reason that, advancement in the food industry, and the hectic life of these individuals, force them to eat outside food which contains a higher amount of fat. Thus, they suffer from many health-related diseases which affects their body. I am not alone in this view, and there is plenty of empirical work to support my viewpoint. A 2007 study, for example, conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Toronto found that 90% of working professional in the USA alone are suffering from excessive amounts of stress and obesity due to the consumption of fast food. To sum up, I hold to the opinion that because of the unhealthy lifestyle of modern citizens and busy schedules make their life unfavourable for them. It is my sincere wish that these people should eat healthy food and spend time together more often.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
divergent views exist on how best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happy in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, including myself, are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
not happy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in recent times. In the following paragraphs, I will provide the rationale for my viewpoint on the matter.

The primary reason for the unhappiness of modern citizens is that they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder in order to pay ongoing bills. It goes without saying that nowadays, day to day needs such as electricity bills, accommodation, cost of fuel for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's family members have
been increased
drastically
.
As a result
, all the members of the family
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to cope with those expenses. My university classmate, Ben, is a shining example of this. He hardly has time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with his parents as he and his mom and dad are working down
Did you mean "too dusk to"?
to dusk to
earn money for their ongoing accommodation costs in the downtown area. As this example illustrates,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder to fulfil the requirement in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's costly lifestyle which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them unhappy.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
required to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mental and physical illnesses in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It stands to the reason that, advancement in the food industry, and the hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of these individuals, force them to eat outside food which contains a higher amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
Thus
, they suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health-related diseases which affects their body. I am not alone in this view, and there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of empirical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to support my viewpoint. A 2007 study,
for example
, conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Toronto found that 90% of working professional in the USA alone are suffering from excessive amounts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and obesity due to the consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.

To sum up, I hold to the opinion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unhealthy lifestyle of modern citizens and busy schedules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
for them. It is my sincere wish that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should eat healthy food and spend time together more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Although modern life has brought with it improvements in people's standard of living, people are not generally happy with their lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts