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(altered) In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.1

(altered) In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 1
It is believed that high school curriculum should consist of volunteering work and pupils also ought to do it free of charge. Personally, I completely agree with this view through the following reasons. There are various benefits that students could gain from working in community services. First, by doing voluntary work, they can learn how to interact with others and work in a team. Moreover, they also know how to manage their time effectively and improve their organization skills. For instance, youngsters can participate in several voluntary projects with some quite comfortably specific tasks such as knit or crochet blankets to be donated to the orphanage or homeless shelters, put few cheerful performances for handicapped children in hospitals, share with residents in a nursery home, join in the cleanup of a local river, pond, lake, and so forth. Even those are small works, young people still largely broaden their horizons by communicating with new people in new places and also strength their compassion for others. By boosting teenagers' necessary work activities with charities or community organisations, they will be likely to do something more creative and efficient. In particular, groups of volunteers would come up with numerously valuable activities. More specifically, they can create a summer reading program to encourage kids to read more, design events to promote some introverted students make friends or be more energetic and integrate with the community, organise a self-defence workshop or collect unused makeup to donate to a centre of abused women, conceive a TV or radio public service announcement against drug and alcohol use, etc. It is beneficial for someone whose skills gained through compulsory work to increase their employability by setting it in their CV. This is simply due to the fact that the recruiters not only select eligible staffs for their businesses or organisations but also helpful for the society. To sum up, I strongly believe that it is an immensely brilliant idea and I hope that this programme put into action for high schools in a near future.
It
is believed
that high school curriculum should consist of volunteering
work
and pupils
also
ought to do it free of charge.
Personally
, I completely
agree
with this view through the following reasons.

There are various benefits that students could gain from working in community services.
First
, by doing voluntary
work
, they can learn how to interact with others and
work
in a team.
Moreover
, they
also
know how to manage their time
effectively
and
improve
their organization
skills
.
For instance
, youngsters can participate in several voluntary projects with
some
quite
comfortably
specific tasks such as knit or crochet blankets to
be donated
to the orphanage or homeless shelters, put few cheerful performances for handicapped children in hospitals, share with residents in a nursery home,
join
in the cleanup of a local river, pond, lake, and
so
forth. Even those are
small
works, young
people
still
largely
broaden their horizons by communicating with new
people
in new places and
also
strength their compassion for others.

By boosting
teenagers
' necessary
work
activities with charities or community
organisations
, they will be likely to do something more creative and efficient.
In particular
, groups of volunteers would
come
up with
numerously
valuable activities. More
specifically
, they can create a summer reading program to encourage kids to read more, design
events
to promote
some
introverted students
make
friends or be more energetic and integrate with the community,
organise
a
self-defence
workshop or collect unused makeup to donate to a
centre
of abused women, conceive a TV or radio public service announcement against drug and alcohol
use
, etc. It is beneficial for someone whose
skills
gained through compulsory
work
to increase their employability by setting it in their CV. This is
simply
due to the fact that the recruiters not
only
select eligible staffs for their businesses or
organisations
but
also
helpful for the society.

To sum up, I
strongly
believe that it is an
immensely
brilliant
idea
and I hope that this
programme
put into action for high schools in a near future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay (altered) In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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