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Altered IELTS In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.2

Altered IELTS In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 2
For generations in many countries young adults have been encouraged to take a gap year after high school. Below merits and drawbacks of the prospect will be discussed in details. On the one hand, there are several benefits of the tradition. Firstly, studying at high school and preparation for the final exams is challenging and difficult. In fact, many students are so exhausted that they may have a nervous breakdown. Many psychologists suggest having a journey as a proper medicine to the problem. Thus, those who decide to spend a year on travelling will surely get rested and revitalized by the new experience. Secondly, some young individuals do not have needed financial resources to pay for studying at university. One year gap gives them a possibility to earn and save up some money. In fact, a person who has been working intensively for twelve months in a row may make enough money to start tertiary education. Those are several benefits that are acquired via having a year gap. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages as well. For example, a person who became financially independent will probably detest the idea of giving it up for studying. Statistics shows that the majority of those who began working after school have never pursued a degree and a likely reason to this is that living on your own, being free from parents’ rules is an awesome experience. Secondly, having the long one-year vocation may have a negative impact on students’ academic records. For instance, young adults who did not take a gap year are more likely to graduate from university than those who took it. It seems that to study successfully a person should be able to recall a lot of information from a school program and the data is well-remembered by those who went from school to university directly and forgotten by those who had a long vacation. Those are a few negative facets of the custom. In conclusion, the custom of having a year vocation between school and university has some drawbacks and merits and each person has a right to decide what is better for him or her.
For generations in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries young adults have
been encouraged
to take a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Below merits and drawbacks of the prospect will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the one hand, there are several benefits of the tradition.
Firstly
, studying at high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and preparation for the final exams is challenging and difficult. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
exhausted that they may have a nervous breakdown.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
psychologists suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a journey as a proper medicine to the problem.
Thus
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decide to spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
on travelling will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rested and revitalized by the new experience.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young individuals do not have needed financial resources to pay for studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
gap gives them a possibility to earn and save up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money. In fact, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has been working
intensively
for twelve months in a row may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
tertiary education. Those are several benefits that
are acquired
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
gap.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
as well
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
became
financially
independent will
probably
detest the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of giving it up for studying. Statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the majority of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
began working after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have never pursued a degree and a likely reason to this is that living on your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, being free from parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
is an awesome experience.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the long one-year vocation may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on students’ academic records.
For instance
, young adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not take a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
are more likely to graduate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
took it. It seems that to study
successfully
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should be able to recall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program and the data is well-remembered by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
went from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
directly
and forgotten by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had a long vacation. Those are a few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
facets of the custom.

In conclusion
, the custom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
vocation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks and merits and each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has a right to decide what is better for him or her.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Altered IELTS In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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