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Altered IELTS In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.1

Altered IELTS In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 1
Although cases of serious crimes are decreasing in many parts of the world, people feel less safe today than at any other time in the past. The main reason for this is the increased coverage of crime in our media and one key solution is encouraging news outlets to cover more positive stories. Crime-related news more frequently features in our media than positive stories and the public, therefore, believe there to be a more criminal crime than there actually is. Violation stories are considered to be more dramatic and capable of gaining more readers and viewers than stories of another nature. As a result, the vast majority of the news focuses on serious crimes and this is causing people to feel unsafe. For example, the British Office for National Statistics recently reported that although the number of murder cases had decreased in the UK by 20% in the last 20 years, the media’s coverage of these murders had increased by 700%. To combat this disproportionate production of crime stories, media outlets should be encouraged to also cover positive stories. By presenting an accurate picture of society that includes good news as well as bad, journalists can reduce the anxiety that causes viewers to feel unsafe. For instance, one news website, the Good News Network, has aimed to accurately show what is happening in society by sharing good news stories from the late 1990s and it has been reported that their visitors are 16% less concerned with the violence rates in the respective countries. In conclusion, people feel less safe today in spite of reducing crime levels as a result of negative media reports that focuses on crime reporting. To remedy this problem, journalists should be encouraged to share more positive stories to present a realistic picture of society.
Although cases of serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are decreasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
less safe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
than at any other time in the past. The main reason for this is the increased coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and one key solution is encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
outlets to cover more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
stories.

Crime-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
more
frequently
features in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
and the public,
therefore
, believe there to be a more criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
than there actually is. Violation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
are considered
to be more dramatic and capable of gaining more readers and viewers than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
of another nature.
As a result
, the vast majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
focuses on serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and this is causing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
unsafe.
For example
, the British Office for National Statistics recently reported that although the number of murder cases had decreased in the UK by 20% in the last 20 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media’s
coverage of these murders had increased by 700%.

To combat this disproportionate production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outlets should
be encouraged
to
also
cover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
. By presenting an accurate picture of society that includes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, journalists can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the anxiety that causes viewers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
unsafe.
For instance
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
website, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
Network, has aimed to
accurately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
what is happening in society by sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
from the late 1990s and it has
been reported
that their visitors are 16% less concerned with the violence rates in the respective countries.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
less safe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
levels
as a result
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
reports that focuses on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
reporting. To remedy this problem, journalists should
be encouraged
to share more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
to present a realistic picture of society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Altered IELTS In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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