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all the people in a company should be treated equally and provided with the same number of vacations in a year. to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

all the people in a company should be treated equally and provided with the same number of vacations in a year. v. 1
The advent of globalization paves the way for employees for enormous opportunities. Treating the workforce is an indispensable duty of an organization to avoid the labour turnover. However, many a company is treating their workers unequal in terms of remuneration and leave. This essay does not agree with this trend. First and foremost, if an employee feels that he is treated fairly by his company, it will increase his morale. The success of a company mainly depends on the contribution of a motivated staff, so maintaining the morale is an organisation’s responsibility. For Instance, if a company is not paying competent remuneration to a particular staff, he may reluctant to do his duty properly. In addition to that, an enterprise profit mainly depends on its sales and a dedicated staff member is the key to that success. Dedication is a fruit of good organizational structure. Thus, the parity in treatment will help the company to keep its workforce. To continue, adequate holidays are inevitable for an employee to maintain his strength to work. Refusal of an eligible vacation of a labourer has serious repercussions in the long run even though the enterprise is providing proper remuneration. Moreover, nothing can replace the need of vacation because an employee is after all a human. Unless a company can say successful, the workers are sound and healthy. To recapitulate, getting holidays and other emoluments are not only the right, but also the inevitable for the workers’ strength and morale. It is the responsibility of and enterprise to hold their employees by adopting parity in their organizational procedures.
The advent of globalization paves the way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for enormous opportunities. Treating the workforce is an indispensable duty of an organization to avoid the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
turnover.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is treating their workers unequal in terms of remuneration and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
. This essay does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this trend.

First
and foremost, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
feels that he
is treated
fairly
by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, it will increase his morale. The success of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
mainly
depends on the contribution of a motivated staff,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
maintaining the morale is an
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
’s responsibility.
For Instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is not paying competent remuneration to a particular staff, he
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
may reluctant
to do his duty
properly
.
In addition
to that, an enterprise profit
mainly
depends on its sales and a dedicated staff member is the key to that success. Dedication is a fruit of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
organizational structure.
Thus
, the parity in treatment will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
its workforce.

To continue, adequate holidays are inevitable for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
to maintain his strength to work. Refusal of an eligible vacation of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourer
has serious repercussions in the long run
even though
the enterprise is providing proper remuneration.
Moreover
, nothing can replace the need of vacation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is
after all
a human. Unless a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can say successful, the workers are sound and healthy.

To recapitulate, getting holidays and other emoluments are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the right,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the inevitable for the workers’ strength and morale. It is the responsibility of and enterprise to hold their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
by adopting parity in their organizational procedures.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay all the people in a company should be treated equally and provided with the same number of vacations in a year. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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