Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible. While others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Children are the future of society. Therefore, we should provide them better education that help to make them in a round person. A section of people argue that the basic education for the kids should be begin in their early growing days while others are opposing this belief. This essay will examine both sides of argument and outline my opinion. First and foremost, education is the first requirement to live in a community whether it is an academic education or social education. So, considering this, it should be start in the initial days of toddlers because as per the scientific fact, children`s mind grab the things quickly as compare to the adult mind because it is in the developing stage. Moreover, they are keen to learn new things. Therefore, if one teach them in a right direction they will remember it for longer time. On the flip side, although it is sometimes thought that we should not pressurize the growing kids to learn something until their mind get fully developed. Otherwise it will cause the detrimental effect on their brain. As per the goverment survey, seventy percent of parents force their offsprings to learn the formal education in their early days. Furthermore, this approach bring them into darkness, where children stop exploring new learning and always feel pressurize. In conclusion, considering above all the arguments, in my opinion parents should educate them in their early days as friends of children rather than put pressure on them to compete. Hence, it will be better for both society and teenagers development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the future of society.
Therefore
, we should provide them better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them in a round person. A section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for the kids should be
Consider using the past participle “begun”.
begin
in their early growing days while others are opposing this belief. This essay will examine both sides of argument and outline my opinion.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the
first
requirement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a community whether it is an academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, considering this, it should be
Did you mean “started”?
start
in the initial days of toddlers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as per the scientific fact,
The character between ‘children’ and ‘s’ is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use “children’s” (curly apostrophe) or “children’s” (straight apostrophe).
children`s
mind grab the things
quickly
as compare to the adult mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is in the developing stage.
Moreover
, they are keen to learn new things.
Therefore
, if one teach them in a right direction they will remember it for longer time.

On the flip side, although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that we should not pressurize the growing kids to learn something until their mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fully
developed.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
it will cause the detrimental effect on their brain. As per the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
survey, seventy percent of parents force their offsprings to learn the formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in their early days.
Furthermore
, this approach bring them into darkness, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
exploring new learning and always feel pressurize.

In conclusion
, considering
above all
the arguments, in my opinion parents should educate them in their early days as friends of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than put pressure on them to compete.
Hence
, it will be better for both society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
development.

IELTS essay Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible. While others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2