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All societies have their own music and art In what way are music and art important for society and for the individual v.1

All societies have their own music and art In what way are music and art important for society and for the individual v. 1
To be healthy and speed up the routine activities, according to some people, house and office bay should be clean and well organized. In my opinion, I agree that keeping our house and workplace neatly makes us healthy and looking professional. To begin with, a good reason to keep our home neat and tidy is that it can avoid health issues. In other words, unwashed clothes and dishes are the major areas of mosquito’s larva accumulation and hence there is a higher risk of being affected by mosquito contaminated diseases like fever. We should be particularly clean if we have children in the home to keep them away from frequent health problems like cough and cold. Another point to consider is that arranging daily used utensils and things in place will speed up our daily activities. For instance, while preparing coffee if the material used for it is kept in an organized manner our work will be easier and finishes fast. These kinds of simple activities optimization can save time for the working people and they can spend that for increasing knowledge. Finally, organizing the workplace items neatly will reflect our behaviour and professionalism. These will increase the quality of work and experiences a positive vibe to the colleagues. It shows the management skills of a professional and people like to interact with them more. The facility management team in the major company’s advice the employees to keep the workplace clean so that they will be well protected from electrical shocks and fires. In conclusion, keeping the work area and house neatly in an organized way not only controls the health issues but also saves time and shows professionalism.
To be healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
the routine activities, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and office bay should be clean and well organized. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that keeping our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and workplace
neatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us healthy and looking professional.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our home neat and tidy is that it can avoid health issues.
In other words
, unwashed clothes and dishes are the major areas of mosquito’s larva accumulation and
hence
there is a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by mosquito contaminated diseases like fever. We should be
The extreme adjective for clean is "spotless".
particularly clean
if we have children in the home to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from frequent health problems like cough and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
.

Another point to consider is that arranging daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
utensils and things in place will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
our daily activities.
For instance
, while preparing coffee if the material
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
Consider replacing "in an organized manner" with the adverb for "organized"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an organized manner
our work will be easier and finishes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. These kinds of simple
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "activities'" or "activity's"?
activities
optimization can save time for the working
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they can spend that for increasing knowledge.

Finally
, organizing the workplace items
neatly
will reflect our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and professionalism. These will increase the quality of work and experiences a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
vibe to the colleagues. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of a professional and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to interact with them more. The facility management team in the major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s advice the employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the workplace clean
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will be well protected from electrical shocks and fires.

In conclusion
, keeping the work area and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
neatly
Consider replacing "in an organized way" with the adverb for "organized"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an organized way
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
controls the health issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
saves time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
professionalism.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay All societies have their own music and art In what way are music and art important for society and for the individual v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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