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All societies have their own music and art. In what way are music and art important for society and for the individual? v.2

All societies have their own music and art. In what way are music and art important for society and for the individual? v. 2
Every community having their own music and art. Both talents, they believes and treats as a culture. Music and art are doing a phenomenal role for the both person’s carrier and for their community as well. There are multiple types of music which are based on the region and religion such as classical music, western music and ramp music etc. Even in each category has sub categories like in classical music, we have Carnatic music and Safi music. When we listening any music, it gives a lot of refreshment and peaceful. That is the reason we can not celebrate any event without music. In some countries like India music plays in wedding celebrations. In current generation, teenagers choosing music as their carrier path like performing live concerts and doing private albums. Art is a very special and rare talent. There are different types of arts like animation, painting etc. Some of the people who are expert in drawing preferring as carrier path. Right now, animation and 3D artists are having the great demand compared with others. It describes and attracts a lot in single picture. Because of that all communities exposed their culture and traditions with an art. In conclusion, both music and art plays a vital role to the self-employment and society as well. I would like to add that few people did not get a chance to learn these rare talents. So, if you include both as academic subjects from the school level, which would gives an opportunity to all the people to learn.
Every community having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. Both talents, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "believe"
believes
and treats as a culture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are doing a phenomenal role for the both person’s carrier and for their community
as well
.

There are multiple types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which
are based
on the region and religion such as classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and ramp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
etc. Even in each category has sub categories like in classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, we have
Possible spelling mistake found.
Carnatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Safi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. When
Did you mean "we're listening", "we are listening", or "we were listening"?
we listening
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
refreshment and peaceful.
That is
the reason we can not celebrate any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries like India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays in wedding celebrations. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as their carrier path like performing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
concerts and doing private albums.

Art is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
special and rare talent. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
like animation, painting etc.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are expert in drawing preferring as carrier path. Right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, animation and 3D artists are having the great demand compared with others. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
and attracts a lot in single picture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that all communities exposed their culture and traditions with an art.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
plays a vital role to the self-employment and society
as well
. I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
that few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to learn these rare talents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if you include both as academic subjects from the school level, which would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "give"
gives
an opportunity to all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to learn.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay All societies have their own music and art. In what way are music and art important for society and for the individual? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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