Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

All parents want to have the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children's future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

All parents want to have the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children's future. v. 1
There is no doubt that the majority of the parents want to provide the greatest opportunities for their youngsters. However, some of them are of the opinion that the educational institutes should provide more skill classes. Furthermore, there is a group which believes that having various types of topics is much more significant in their forthcoming life. In my point of view, I believe that it is better to learn them some skills as well. In the next paragraphs, I will discuss both sides of this issue. First of all, skills are very useful for in the future and can make the lessons a lot more interesting. The reason for this is that there will be a moment in life where you need to do something which your hands instead of making use of the educational intelligence. For instance, helping your children with school projects or other outdoor activities. So, it is really important to know the basics for your upcoming life. In contrast, having lectures about different kind of topics will increase the wisdom of the child. The reason for this is that the teachers are providing a lot of information, with the thought to make them ready for the future. For example, a lot of these lessons will be taught by exams and other tests to predict their knowledge in a specific field. So, receiving a range of subjects will increase a person's knowledge. In conclusion, I believe that having skills lessons is much more interesting and is also an important part of the future.
There is no doubt that the majority of the parents want to provide the greatest opportunities for their youngsters.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are of the opinion that the educational institutes should provide more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
classes.
Furthermore
, there is a group which believes that having various types of topics is much more significant in their forthcoming life. In my point of view, I believe that it is better to learn them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as well
. In the
next
paragraphs, I will discuss both sides of this issue.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for in the future and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the lessons a lot more interesting.
The reason for this is
that there will be a moment in life where you need to do something which your hands
instead
of making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the educational intelligence.
For instance
, helping your children with school projects or other outdoor activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know the basics for your upcoming life.

In contrast
, having lectures about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of topics will increase the wisdom of the child.
The reason for this is
that the teachers are providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ready for the future.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
these lessons will
be taught
by exams and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
to predict their knowledge in a specific field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, receiving a range of subjects will increase a person's knowledge.

In conclusion
, I believe that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
lessons is much more interesting and is
also
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay All parents want to have the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children's future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts