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All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children’s future. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children’s future. v. 5
It is a proven fact that parents generally want the best future for their children. When it comes to education, parents have conflicting views about what schooling model should be. Some would prefer the educational model to be more vocational, while others want a more subject centric curriculum. This essay will discuss both views, but also explain why both educational concepts go hand in hand. There is a very significant portion of parents that want their child's education to be centred on skill acquisition. It is a matter of fact that the main proponent of this school of thought points to the fact the main goal of all learning institutions is to pass on the necessary ability to their student in their chosen field. For example the objective of studying every hard subject in civil engineering is to obtain the know how to be relevant in the construction sector. Therefore all the voluminous books studied is with this objective. However, some parents offered a dissenting opinion on this matter. In their own view, the educational curriculum should put more emphasis on the theoretical aspect of learning. This idea is not without its merit, in fact, they buttress their points by pointing out the importance of learning the scientific framework behind every skill is also pertinent to their child's educational success. This reason is why doctors do not pick up the surgical blade on the first day in medical school, but undergo a systematic process that provide them with an appropriate scientific rationale for each action taken and the precautions involved with the learnt ability. In conclusion, the essay discusses the main argument of the advocates of each school of thought. although, in my opinion, I do think both educational models are mutually inclusive, but a perfect balance should be struck between practical and theory in schools.
It is a proven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
generally
want the best future for their children. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have conflicting views about what schooling model should be.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would prefer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
model to be more vocational, while others want a more subject centric curriculum. This essay will discuss both views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
concepts go hand in hand.

There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that want their child's education to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'centred' is British English.
centred
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
acquisition. It is a matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that the main proponent of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
points to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
the main goal of all learning institutions is to pass on the necessary ability to their student in their chosen field.
For example
the objective of studying every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
subject in civil engineering is to obtain the know how to be relevant in the construction sector.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
all the voluminous books studied is with this objective.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
offered a dissenting opinion on this matter. In their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
curriculum should put more emphasis on the theoretical aspect of learning. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is not without its merit, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, they buttress their points by pointing out the importance of learning the scientific framework behind every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is
also
pertinent to their child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
success. This reason is why doctors do not pick up the surgical blade on the
first
day in medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
undergo a systematic process that provide them with an appropriate scientific rationale for each action taken and the precautions involved with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
ability.

In conclusion
, the essay discusses the main argument of the advocates of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
, in my opinion, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
models are
mutually
inclusive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a perfect balance should
be struck
between practical and theory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children’s future. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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