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Some people feel unsafe when they are in public and at home. What are the possible causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v.1

Some people feel unsafe when they are in public and at home. What are the possible causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v. 1
A number of people sense that they are threatened while they are on the streets or at their homes. In this essay I will discuss the reasons of this continuous feeling of some society members, and then I will propose some mitigation measures for this phenomenon. To begin with, we have to establish that the main problem which we are discussing is not the actual level of threat, but the perception of unsafety in some people’s minds. Hence, the principal reason for this problem is the information that these people get. Consequently, I think that the media is responsible for this phenomenon, as it is the main distributor of information. For example, when people spend a significant time watching assault programs on television they will get the feeling that being attacked at your home or in public is something probable. To solve this problem, I think that governments should guide media companies to emphasize on good news as much as they point out the bad news. This might give people a better perception of the society that they are living amongst. However, the excessive feeling of safety might cause people to lose their guards. Thus, the suitable mitigation measure should be a balanced information system that points out the pleasant and the unpleasant in a certain country. In conclusion, the perception of unsafety is a real problem caused by emphasizing on dreadful information by the media. This can be mitigated by balancing information through pointing out some pleasant news. I think that, if media reflects the behavior of society honestly, by showing the virtuous and the vicious, people will perceive threat more realistically.
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sense that they
are threatened
while they are on the streets or at their homes. In this essay I will discuss the reasons of this continuous feeling of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
society members, and then I will propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mitigation measures for this phenomenon.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
establish that the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which we are discussing is not the actual level of threat,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the perception of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unsafety
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
minds.
Hence
, the principal reason for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
Consequently
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is responsible for this phenomenon, as it is the main distributor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a significant time watching assault programs on television they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the feeling that
being attacked
at your home or in public is something probable.

To solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to emphasize on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news as much as they point out the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
news. This might give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a better perception of the society that they are living amongst.
However
, the excessive feeling of safety might cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lose their guards.
Thus
, the suitable mitigation measure should be a balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
system that points out the pleasant and the unpleasant in a certain country.

In conclusion
, the perception of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unsafety
is a real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
caused by emphasizing on dreadful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. This can
be mitigated
by balancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
through pointing out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pleasant news. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
reflects the behavior of society
honestly
, by showing the virtuous and the vicious,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will perceive threat more
realistically
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel unsafe when they are in public and at home. What are the possible causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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