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All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? v.6

All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? v. 6
More than 70% global resources and wealth are controlled by only 7% of the population and it shows the overwhelming disparity of the resource distribution throughout the world. As a result of capitalism and improper distribution of facilities and resources, poor are becoming even poorer while rich are amassing more wealth. This causes unimaginable problems to the human and there are some steps that should be implemented immediately to reduce the discrimination of wealth distribution. To begin with, the inequality of wealth distribution increases the delinquency. It is noticeable that the crime rate all around the world has significantly increased as the wealthier are getting more affluent and poor are suffering to support their basic needs. The overall development of a country does not depend on a tiny portion of rich people, rather it depends on an active economy and fair wealth distribution. Moreover, when the discrimination between rich and poor increases, the political situation deteriorates and a country steps into the verse of corruption and civil war. To overcome the poverty problem the state must emphasise on quality education. Education is the single most important
More than 70% global resources and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
are controlled
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7% of the population and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the overwhelming disparity of the resource
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distribution
throughout the world.
As a result
of capitalism and improper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distribution
of facilities and resources, poor are becoming even poorer while rich are amassing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
. This causes unimaginable problems to the human and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps that should
be implemented
immediately to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the discrimination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
distribution.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the inequality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distribution
increases the delinquency. It is noticeable that the crime rate all around the world has
significantly
increased as the wealthier are getting more affluent and poor are suffering to support their basic needs. The
overall
development of a country does not depend on a tiny portion of rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
rather
it depends on an active economy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distribution
.
Moreover
, when the discrimination between rich and poor increases, the political situation deteriorates and a country steps into the verse of corruption and civil war.

To overcome the poverty problem the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
on quality education. Education is the single most
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
important
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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Munia Khan

IELTS essay All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty? v. 6

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
185 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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