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Some people think it is best to save money, for example in a bank or saving scheme other people feel that money should be spent whenever, it is available. Discuss these views and reach and opinion on this debate. v.1

Some people think it is best to save money, for example in a bank or saving scheme other people feel that money should be spent whenever, it is available. Discuss these views and reach and opinion on this debate. v. 1
It is indeed true that wealth is supposed to be the first requirement of human being's lifestyle massive of mass deem that storage of wage is best method fir bright forthcoming while another trust that spending payment plays a terrific role to live activity with zeal and zest. I will elaborate both views in upcoming fragments with rational conclusion. Ironically enough, it is necessary to understand the value of payment because it gives tremendous benefits. Firstly and foremost, with the aid of fund people can shine their subsequent, they will never face any kind of hassles in their older life. Apart from it, the prevent of property can be solve big diseases with better treatment. Moving further, conservation check makes life comfortable as well as future life secures, additionally, with storage of bill people will be owner of big properties which gives a myriad of efforts to shine the ultimate. It means that cash gives lucrative panacea to individuals. However, other folks believe that wage should be expenditure on various things which people have a need in their entire growth, beside this, sometimes people spend extra pay on various things and they will face many obstacles in their planned. According to my opinion, saving property is very vital for everyone to full fill of needs owing to capitalize people can doing better education as well as they can get occupation. thus, the fund is very important for everyone because it gives comfort as well as every necessary things which are important for everyone.
It is
indeed
true that wealth
is supposed
to be the
first
requirement of human being's lifestyle massive of mass deem that storage of wage
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
method fir bright forthcoming while another trust that spending payment plays a terrific role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
activity with zeal and zest. I will elaborate both views in upcoming fragments with rational conclusion.

Ironically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, it is necessary to understand the value of payment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
tremendous benefits.
Firstly
and foremost, with the aid of fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can shine their subsequent, they will never face any kind of hassles in their older life. Apart from it, the
The word 'prevent' is not a noun. Did you mean "prevention"?
prevent
of property can be
Consider using the past participle "solved"?
solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
diseases with better treatment. Moving
further
, conservation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life comfortable
as well
as future life secures,
additionally
, with storage of bill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be owner of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
properties which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
a myriad of efforts to shine the ultimate. It means that cash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
lucrative panacea to individuals.

However
, other folks believe that wage should be expenditure on various things which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a need in their entire growth, beside this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend extra pay on various
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
they will face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles in their planned.

According to my opinion, saving property is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital for everyone to full fill of needs owing to capitalize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can doing better education
as well
as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
occupation.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
thus
, the fund is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
comfort
as well
as every necessary things which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think it is best to save money, for example in a bank or saving scheme other people feel that money should be spent whenever, it is available. Discuss these views and reach and opinion on this debate. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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