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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled? v.5

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled? v. 5
Nowadays, thousands of people are suffering from obesity, no matter what age they are. Today, people usually don't care about their health and continuing to buy fast cooking. All over the world, obesity is becoming a big dispute that should be tackled urgently. This essay I will look at the main causes of the issue and give some solutions. One of the reasons why so many people are overweight is that, their everyday meal is junk fare. Instead of cooking healthy and valuable meals, everyone prefers burgers or hot dogs. Obviously, that this will just worsen the complication. In my point of view, to deal with this, governments should increase tax on fast cuisine, thereby decreasing the number of people who are overweight. Another complication is that, in many people's life sport doesn't play a vital role. Nowadays, people are becoming more and more lazy, they even started to work from home, rather than commuting to work every day. Clearly, sitting in the same place and doing nothing, besides eating only deteriorate health. A way forward might be, doing workout every day, and travel to work by bicycle or attend the gym. A third cause of the complication is that, junk stuff, promotions are more popular than healthy eating. Some snack bars like Mac Donalds, Burger King far more built than places that sells only healthy dishes. It's obvious, that people will eat only in those places that they saw in advertisements or on social networks. This dilemma could be solved by, banning junk feed advertisements on TV and to build a more vegetarian and healthy restaurants. All in all, there is no doubt that obesity is a worrying issue, affecting both children and adults. Action must be taken urgently, otherwise societies will face even greater health problems in the future.
Nowadays, thousands of
people
are suffering from obesity, no matter what age they are.
Today
,
people
usually
don't care about their health and continuing to
buy
fast
cooking. All over the world, obesity is becoming a
big
dispute that should
be tackled
urgently
. This essay I will look at the main causes of the issue and give
some
solutions.

One of the reasons why
so
many
people
are overweight is that, their everyday meal is junk fare.
Instead
of cooking
healthy
and valuable meals, everyone prefers burgers or hot dogs.
Obviously
, that this will
just
worsen the complication. In my point of view, to deal with this,
governments
should increase tax on
fast
cuisine, thereby decreasing the number of
people
who are overweight.

Another complication is that, in
many
people
's life sport doesn't play a vital role. Nowadays,
people
are becoming more and more lazy, they even
started
to work from home,
rather
than commuting to work every day.
Clearly
, sitting in the same place and doing nothing,
besides
eating
only
deteriorate health. A way forward might be, doing workout every day, and travel to work by bicycle or attend the gym.

A third cause of the complication is that, junk stuff, promotions are more popular than
healthy
eating.
Some
snack bars like Mac
Donalds
, Burger King far more built than places that sells
only
healthy
dishes. It's obvious, that
people
will eat
only
in those places that they
saw
in advertisements or on social networks. This dilemma could
be solved
by, banning junk feed advertisements on TV and to build a more vegetarian and
healthy
restaurants.

All in all, there is no doubt that obesity is a worrying issue, affecting both children and adults. Action
must
be taken
urgently
,
otherwise
societies will face even greater health problems in the future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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