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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled? v.4

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled? v. 4
It is often thought that the worldwide community is having an increase in gaining weight. This issue is taking place in the category of the youngsters and adults. In the next paragraphs, I will discuss the cause and what can be done to prevent this problem in the future. The main reason for this is the decrease in the mobility. This is because that more and more people are making use of cars and other vehicles instead of making time for a walk. For instance, we do not walk to the shop these days, with the thought that it's time saving. So that's why, there is an upward trend in the numbers of overweight people. The main solution to this are informative speeches. The reason for this is to make people realise about the negative sides of this issue. For instance, the counterparts are spending most of their childhood on social media and other electrical devices, but do not realise that it doesn't affect them in a good way. So that's why, it is necessary to teach them the right example for their future life. To conclude, it can be seen that there is a rise in obesity number in a global scale. This issue is most common in children and adults. The foremost cause can be the fact that a lot of people are making usage Of automobiles, which dropped the required time of walking to stay healthy. However, taking initiative by organising educative courses can enhance this effect in the upcoming life.
It is
often
thought
that the worldwide community is having an increase in gaining weight. This issue is taking place in the category of the youngsters and adults. In the
next
paragraphs, I will discuss the cause and what can
be done
to
prevent
this problem in the future.

The main reason for this is the decrease in the mobility. This is
because
that more and more
people
are making
use
of cars and other vehicles
instead
of making time for a walk.
For instance
, we do not walk to the shop these days, with the
thought
that it's time saving.
So
that's why, there is an upward trend in the numbers of overweight
people
.

The main solution to this are informative speeches.
The reason for this is
to
make
people
realise
about the
negative
sides of this issue.
For instance
, the counterparts are spending most of their childhood on social media and other electrical devices,
but
do not
realise
that it doesn't affect them in a
good
way.
So
that's why, it is necessary to teach them the right example for their future life.

To conclude
, it can be
seen
that there is a rise in obesity number in a global scale. This issue is most common in children and adults. The foremost cause can be the fact that
a lot of
people
are making
usage


Of automobiles, which dropped the required time of walking to stay healthy.
However
, taking initiative by
organising
educative courses can enhance this effect in the upcoming life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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