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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled? v.2

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled? v. 2
Obesity is a pressing issue that many countries are experiencing. The ubiquitous presence of fast-food chain restaurants, serving high-calorie meals loaded with fats and sodium, and neglecting to cook wholesome meals at home are among the underlying causes, but there are possible ways of curbing this unhealthy trend. One of the leading causes of the high obesity rate is the high intake of junk food, such as hamburgers, chips, or fried chicken. Many people prefer takeaway meals containing a high content of salt and fat rather than healthy meals at home because of their convenience. For instance, in the UK, the sales of junk food have increased over the last few years because it is simple and easy to place online orders. Another cause of obesity is attributed to people’s sedentary lifestyle. Instead of playing outdoor sports, people would prefer to watch their favorite movies on TV or to play video games on the Internet while munching chips. This often results in the empty calories being transformed into fat. There are a couple of tactics that the government could use to promote healthy habits. One tactic is for the government to put a tax on unhealthy food. This would encourage consumers to abstain from junk food and start preparing food at home. The compounding costs of tax on top of the food itself would make people turn to alternatives, such as home-cooked food. Another tactic is the government should ban the advertising of unhealthy food on the mass media, such as TV and the Internet. As children have not fully developed their rational judgments, they could not resist the urge to buy these products when stumbling upon the appealing images of them. In conclusion, I am convinced that the issue of obesity is attributed to a sedentary life and the convenience of buying fast food, and hopefully, some tactics, such as a tax and prohibition on advertising fast food, would lead people to embrace healthy lifestyles.
Obesity is a pressing issue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are experiencing. The ubiquitous presence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food chain restaurants, serving high-calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
loaded with fats and sodium, and neglecting to cook wholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
at home are among the underlying causes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are possible ways of curbing this unhealthy trend.

One of the leading causes of the high obesity rate is the high intake of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, such as hamburgers, chips, or fried chicken.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer takeaway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
containing a high content of salt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
rather
than healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their convenience.
For instance
, in the UK, the sales of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
have increased over the last few years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is simple and easy to place online orders. Another cause of obesity
is attributed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
sedentary lifestyle.
Instead
of playing outdoor sports,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their favorite movies on TV or to play video games on the Internet while munching chips. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in the empty calories
being transformed
into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.

There are a couple of tactics that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to promote healthy habits. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tactic
is for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to put a tax on unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This would encourage consumers to abstain from junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home. The compounding costs of tax on top of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
itself would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
turn to alternatives, such as home-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tactic
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban the advertising of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on the mass media, such as TV and the Internet. As children have not
fully
developed their rational judgments, they could not resist the urge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these products when stumbling upon the appealing images of them.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that the issue of obesity
is attributed
to a sedentary life and the convenience of buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and
hopefully
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tactics, such as a tax and prohibition on advertising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, would lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to embrace healthy lifestyles.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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