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In some countries increasing number of people are suffering from from health problems result of eating too much fast foods government should impose higher taxes on them on what extent do you agree or disagree with this v.1

In some countries increasing number of people are suffering from from health problems result of eating too much fast foods government should impose higher taxes on them on what extent with this v. 1
It is a true fact that excess eating of Fast Food leads to various health issues by which people who are suffering from a height increasing day by day so the government must impose higher taxes on them. I defer to this to a large extent for some reason my position is argued further with explanations. Out of all the reasons the form of one is that there are no essential and beneficial vitamins are there in junk food as a result of these needs of our body didn't get fulfilled by which efficiency of a body was getting decreased day by day so from that perspective government should charge Hai taxes on them. Additionally the junk food take and a significant amount of time to digest rather than other green leafy vegetables, which somehow affect individual metabolism through various ways Especially for the kids who love to eat these kinds of food but don't know the application of this. However, I would not overlook the other side too, begin with as foods like these don't take enough time to prepare so that would be a good breakfast or lunch for the persons who are in a hurry for their home for the work. Apart from this, I want to say not on a daily basis does to conclude the discussion, it can be finally said that consumption of Fast Food occasionally in a month is ok but not for the daily basis.
It is a true fact that excess eating of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
leads to various health issues by which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are suffering from a height increasing day by day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
impose higher taxes on them. I defer to this to a large extent for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason my position
is argued
further
with explanations.

Out of all the reasons the form of one is that there are no essential and beneficial vitamins are there in junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as a result
of these needs of our body didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fulfilled by which efficiency of a body was getting decreased day by day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
from that perspective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should charge
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hai
taxes on them.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
take and a significant amount of time to digest
rather
than other green leafy vegetables, which somehow affect individual metabolism through various ways
Especially
for the kids who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to eat these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
don't know the application of this.

However
, I would not overlook the other side too,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
like these don't take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to prepare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
breakfast or lunch for the persons who are in a hurry for their home for the work. Apart from this, I want to say not on a daily basis does
to conclude
the discussion, it can be
finally
said that consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
occasionally
in a month is ok
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for the daily basis.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries increasing number of people are suffering from from health problems result of eating too much fast foods government should impose higher taxes on them on what extent with this v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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