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All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a country's culture. How far do you agree with this statement? v.1

All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a country's culture. How far v. 1
It is often said that cultural institutions including museums as well as art galleries are crucial to a nation’s culture. Therefore, they should offer free admission to their visitors. Personally, I partly agree with this view and will give my reasons below. On the one hand, I agree that museums and galleries should abandon entrance fees since this would encourage more people to visit them, and enjoy their collections. Museums and galleries house artworks or artefacts of great educational, and historical value. Thus, it is nearly impossible for most visitors to exit a museum, or a gallery without gaining any information or understanding. Take for example war museums in my city, Ho Chi Minh City. These museums are home to worthwhile exhibits through which visitors can be given in-depth knowledge of Vietnamese military history and wars the country witnessed in the past. Therefore it would be a huge shame if many people could not see their collections because their finances could not cover the cost. Nevertheless, I feel that it would be wrong to avoid charging visitors for several reasons. Firstly, it is not impossible for many museums and galleries to cease to exist without revenue received from ticket sales. This is because running places of culture often involves a wide variety of operational expenses such as utility bills, employee salaries, maintenance fees, and so on. Secondly, an admission charge could badly affect attendance figures but it would provide visitors with positive experiences during their visit. For example, an overcrowded museum would make it difficult for many real art-lovers to push through the throngs of people let alone admire pieces of art. By contrast, a less crowded museum may enable more museum-goers to stand, and take in artworks at ease. In conclusion, while free entrance could give more people the opportunity to enjoy works of art and learn valuable lessons from them, I am convinced that museums, and art galleries should charge an entrance fee for the sake of operation, and visitors’ experiences.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that cultural institutions including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are crucial to a nation’s culture.
Therefore
, they should offer free admission to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
.
Personally
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and will give my reasons below.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should abandon entrance fees since this would encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit them, and enjoy their collections.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
artworks or
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
of great educational, and historical value.
Thus
, it is
nearly
impossible for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to exit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
without gaining any information or understanding. Take
for example
war
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in my city, Ho Chi Minh City. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are home to worthwhile exhibits through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in-depth knowledge of Vietnamese military history and wars the country witnessed in the past.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it would be a huge shame if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their collections
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their finances could not cover the cost.

Nevertheless
, I feel that it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to avoid charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
for several reasons.
Firstly
, it is not impossible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
to cease to exist without revenue received from ticket sales. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
running places of culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
involves a wide variety of operational expenses such as utility bills, employee salaries, maintenance fees, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Secondly
, an admission charge could
badly
affect attendance figures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
experiences during their visit.
For example
, an overcrowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
real art-lovers to push through the throngs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone admire pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. By contrast, a less crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
may enable more museum-goers to stand, and take in artworks at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.

In conclusion
, while free entrance could give more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the opportunity to enjoy works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and learn valuable lessons from them, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should charge an entrance fee for the sake of operation, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors’
experiences.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a country's culture. How far v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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