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Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. v. 6
Many individuals believe that artistic subjects are as significant as other school subjects, particularly at the primary school. I completely agree with this statement because arts subjects stimulate the child’s mind and it gives bright futures for children. Firstly, nowadays music, art and drama subjects are playing a vital role for the each and every school. It helps to activate student mindset and children able to think in a good way. For example, it is an undeniable fact that the head of the department of psychology has revealed the statistical report, in the southern part of Tamilnadu, 60-70% of indigenous school children were able to think in a good way. So, this major reason some schools were giving importance to the artistic subjects at primary school. Secondly, most of the art subjects provide a bright and shiny career for the student life. So, school students usually like to learn about artistic subjects. For instance, according to the University of madras has published the empirical research report in the Times of India newspaper, In India, some rural and urban schools used to give preference for art subjects at primary level because of it provides an excellent future for children life. In conclusion, in spite of mathematics and social science subjects, art subjects are extremely important for children, especially at primary school. From my point of view, it helps to think in a good way and gives a good career for students. It is recommended each, and every art and craft subjects usually give a good knowledge for children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals believe that artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are as significant as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
particularly
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
stimulate the child’s mind and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
bright futures for children.

Firstly
, nowadays music,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and drama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are playing a vital role for
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to activate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
mindset and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way.
For example
, it is an undeniable fact that the head of the department of psychology has revealed the statistical report, in the southern part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tamilnadu
, 60-70% of indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this major reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
were giving importance to the artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
school.

Secondly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
provide a bright and shiny career for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
usually
like to learn about artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For instance
, according to the University of madras has published the empirical research report in
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
the Times of India
newspaper, In India,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rural and urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
preference for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it provides an excellent future for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
life.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
mathematics and social science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. From my point of view, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
career for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It
is recommended
each, and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
knowledge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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