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All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a countries culture. v.1

All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a countries culture. v. 1
Tourism is a major driver for the economies of several countries, for instance, Sri Lanka, Mauritius, The Bahamas, etc. People come to these countries for a vacation and also to learn about the country’s culture by visiting national monuments, art galleries, museums, etc. Thus the question arises, should the entry to art galleries and museums be free? Art galleries and museums can serve as a source of income to the government or the organisation owning it. Also, these structures need regular maintenance to keep them up to date and without a fee, it can become difficult to arrange required money to maintain them. In addition to this, if the art gallery or museum becomes a success, the revenue emanating from it can not only be used to expand existing infrastructure but also build new such structures. However, apart from tourists, the local public should also be taken into account. The local people may not be able to afford the entry fee, especially those of a developing country and thus may miss out on important information about their motherland. A youngster missing out, on such information may be found wanting during discussions on the culture of his homeland when he visits foreign countries for study or work. Moreover, with people tending to adopt foreign culture easily these days, it is critical that the home culture is infused in them to preserve the integrity and originality of a nation. All of these can be encouraged by making entry to museums and art galleries free to local people. Apart from this, for students, it becomes easy to relate to the characters and events in their history books when they see them portrayed in the gallery or museum. Schools can organise free trips as part of learning series to these places. In conclusion, I strongly feel that the entry to museums and art galleries should be free as they are an important part of a country’s culture. The maintenance of these structures can be sponsored through individual donations or government support.
Tourism is a major driver for the economies of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
for instance
, Sri Lanka, Mauritius, The Bahamas, etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for a vacation and
also
to learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
by visiting national monuments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the question arises, should the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
be free?

Art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can serve as a source of income to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
owning it.
Also
, these structures need regular maintenance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them up to date and without a fee, it can become difficult to arrange required money to maintain them.
In addition
to this, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
becomes a success, the revenue emanating from it can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to expand existing infrastructure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
build new such structures.

However
, apart from tourists, the local public should
also
be taken
into account. The local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not be able to afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
fee,
especially
those of a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
thus
may miss out on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information about their motherland. A youngster missing out, on such information may
be found
wanting during discussions on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of his homeland when he visits foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for study or work.
Moreover
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tending to adopt foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
easily
these days, it is critical that the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is infused
in them to preserve the integrity and originality of a nation. All of these can
be encouraged
by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
free to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Apart from this, for students, it becomes easy to relate to the characters and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in their history books when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them portrayed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. Schools can
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
free trips as part of learning series to these places.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should be free as they are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. The maintenance of these structures can
be sponsored
through individual donations or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a countries culture. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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