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All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a countries culture. v.4

All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a countries culture. v. 4
There are many cultures and traditions in this world and people believe and respect them from them from various points of views. While considering about a culture in a country, we cannot even forget its museums and art galleries as it plays a great role in preserving the culture. Moreover, they are the best method of displaying the history and values to the youth in a country. Therefore most probably this is a better idea of giving free entrance to them for people. Firstly, museum and art galleries are doing a great job in protecting the value of the history of a culture. Furthermore, they have all the relevant things such as artefact, statues etc. which are important to be kept with it for saving. As an example, in many countries, there is even one museum or art gallery which keep valuable historical things in it which otherwise might have been lost. Secondly, displaying of the things which give memorable and valuable feeling to people is also an important role of museums and art galleries. Moreover, people can visit there and see for their past lives of ancestors and how the society has developed up to now. For instance, we can see most of the displays illustrates the ancient stories. To sum up, by looking at the major roles of museums and art galleries, which are preserving and displaying of historical values to the future world, I totally agree for giving the free visits to everyone as it helps to protect the heritage of a countries society.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions in this world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe and respect
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "them from".
them from them from
various points of views. While
Did you mean simply "considering a"? You do not need the word "about" here.
considering about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, we cannot even forget its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
as it plays a great role in preserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Moreover
, they are the best method of displaying the history and values to the youth in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
most
probably
this is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of giving free entrance to them for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are doing a great job in protecting the value of the history of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Furthermore
, they have all the relevant things such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefact' is British English.
artefact
, statues etc. which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
with it for saving. As an example, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, there is even one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
valuable historical things in it which
otherwise
might have
been lost
.

Secondly
, displaying of the things which give memorable and valuable feeling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
also
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can visit there and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
for their past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of ancestors and how the society has developed up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
For instance
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
most of the displays illustrates the ancient stories.

To sum up, by looking at the major roles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
, which are preserving and displaying of historical values to the future world, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
for giving the free visits to everyone as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to protect the heritage of a
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a countries culture. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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