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Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. v.4

Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. v. 4
It is widely accepted that silver screen is the best way of entertaining people. While some people argue that the trend for going to cinema have decreased nowadays, some people are in the opinion that, still it is of interest to many more people who desire the mind relaxation through arts. To begin, there is no denying the fact that time constraints encountered is a common issue for people today and these people do not have much spare time to spend on movies. Especially, because of the time lap, one will have to spend on watching cinema may be a bit of long. Due to the busy life schedules of people, they will not deserve to commit such a long time for entertainment and will opt for short time entertaining activities. On the other hand, just because of this competitive nature of people's lives, they will engage in more and more mind relaxation activities in order to reduce the stress level and go for a silver screen and watching a movie. Secondly, with the development of technology, people all over the world enjoy latest technological equipment and innovative as well as newly featured home theatre systems lie on the top of the list. With the availability of such new, highly modified systems in hand, people tend to stay home and watch movies with their entire family. In this way, people will not have to spend time on travelling as well as they can enjoy more free postures while they are watching the movie in their own home. By opting to watch movies at home instead of going to the cinema, people can also find it flexible to watch it at their convenient. Although it is free and flexible to watch a movie at home, the feeling of a change will not be sensed by the mind as it happens while watching a movie in the cinema. Therefore, some people still prefer to experience the change that can have while they are sitting in the cinema with their loved ones. To sum up, it is acceptable that people tend to be away from the silver screen due to numerous circumstances. Yet, I believe, there are some good reasons that the era of the silver screen will not come to an end although there are reductions in the number of people who will go for it and hence disagree with the statement.
It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
is the best way of entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the trend for going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
have decreased nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in the opinion that,
still
it is of interest to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who desire the mind relaxation through arts.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, there is no denying the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
constraints encountered is a common issue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have much spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
Especially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
lap, one will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
may be a bit of long. Due to the busy life schedules of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they will not deserve to commit such a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for entertainment and will opt for short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
entertaining activities.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
because of this
competitive nature of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, they will engage in more and more mind relaxation activities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level and go for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
and watching a movie.

Secondly
, with the development of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world enjoy
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technological equipment and innovative
as well
as
newly
featured home
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
systems lie on the top of the list. With the availability of such new,
highly
modified systems in hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to stay home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
with their entire family. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on travelling
as well
as they can enjoy more free postures while they are watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home. By opting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home
instead
of going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
find it flexible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it at their convenient. Although it is free and flexible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
at home, the feeling of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
will not
be sensed
by the mind as it happens while watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
prefer to experience the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
that can have while they are sitting in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.

To sum up, it is acceptable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
due to numerous circumstances.
Yet
, I believe, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons that the era of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
although there are reductions in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who will go for it and
hence
disagree with the statement.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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