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Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. v.3

Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. v. 3
In the 21st century, cinemas have become ubiquitous. However, being widespread movie theatres aren't able to lure people to spend their leisure time. It is agreed that gradually the number of people turn up at theatres is going to decrease in view of current trends.   It is due to ticket prices that have skyrocketed over the last few years along with the advent of online movie rentals and download. Firstly, the cost of tickets has surged in the last decade. For example, it is almost 10 times more that we are spending compared to 1990's. Unfortunately, this is something that has a negative impact which is difficult to encounter despite the advanced technology, better sitting and ease of booking. Thus, it makes it clear why the future of big screen is bleak. Secondly, the introduction of online movie libraries for rentals as well as downloads at affordable prices. For instance, iTunes and Netflix have jumped into this area to offer customers economical options to buy or rent movies. It’s more appealing to stay in and watch something on a computer screen or tablet with no physical constraints. Therefore, it’s hard to imagine for people to show up at cinemas. The environment of the cinema halls and the quality of movies are also in question. Very few families nowadays go to cinema while this was a common trend even in later 90’s. To summarise, it is the expensive tickets as well as the movie watching options on the internet that have led to the decline of people visiting cinemas to spend their free time. Thus, it is clear why the number of people going to watch a flick will eventually decrease further in years to come.
In the 21st century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
have become ubiquitous.
However
, being widespread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
aren't able to lure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend their leisure time. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
gradually
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
turn up at
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
is going to decrease in view of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trends.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
It is due to ticket prices that have skyrocketed over the last few years along with the advent of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
rentals and download.

Firstly
, the cost of tickets has surged in the last decade.
For example
, it is almost 10 times more that we are spending compared to
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990's
. Unfortunately, this is something that has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact which is difficult to encounter despite the advanced technology, better sitting and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of booking.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why the future of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
screen is bleak.

Secondly
, the introduction of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
libraries for rentals
as well
as downloads at affordable prices.
For instance
, iTunes and Netflix have jumped into this area to offer customers economical options to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
or rent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. It’s more appealing to stay in and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
something on a computer screen or tablet with no physical constraints.
Therefore
, it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to imagine for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
. The environment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
halls and the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are
also
in question.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
few families nowadays go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
while this was a common trend even in later
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "90s".
90’s
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, it is the expensive tickets
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
watching options on the internet that have led to the decline of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
to spend their free time.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a flick will
eventually
decrease
further
in years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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