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Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. v.2

Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. v. 2
It is believed that the popularity of cinema theatre is gradually decreasing these days since people will change their interest to other platforms of entertainment. I personally disagree with the statement as there are many people who still love going to the cinema, and the following essay will discuss it in details. On the one hand, it is true that with the rapid development of information technology, people could select various kinds of movie entertainments these days, besides going to the cinema. Some people prefer to purchase or rent the DVD and watch it at home since it is cheaper than going to the cinema. And then, with the existence of internet technology, people could just easily download the film and watch it on their computer. Therefore, a group of people have estimated that the era of cinema theatre will be finished in the next few years. Despite the various offer from other entertainment platforms, it is fascinating to see the number of people who watch films at the cinema have not dropped until today. Many people still choose to watch recommended films at the cinema, since they feel that the experience and the excitement are totally different than at home. The advanced digital effects and the surrounding sound system do affect to the atmosphere and the attraction of the film which satisfy the viewers. And then several people choose to watch movies at the cinema due to they could concentrate more on than at home. They feel that there are many distractions when they watch films at home. For instance, the annoying noise of their little children or pets. As a consequence, cinemas still become one of the favourite entertainment places. In conclusion, some people believe that cinema’s popularity seems to decrease as people choose to see films through other platforms. Although it is true that there are various types of devices which can be used for watching films such as video recorder or DVD player, I personally believe that the number of people who go to cinemas will not decrease, as the sensation and the excitement of watching films in theatres are totally different.
It
is believed
that the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is
gradually
decreasing these days since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their interest to other platforms of entertainment. I
personally
disagree with the statement as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
, and the following essay will discuss it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the one hand, it is true that with the rapid development of information technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could select various kinds of movie entertainments these days,
besides
going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
or rent the DVD and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it at home since it is cheaper than going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
. And then, with the existence of internet technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
easily
download the film and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it on their computer.
Therefore
, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have estimated that the era of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
will
be finished
in the
next
few years.

Despite the various offer from other entertainment platforms, it is fascinating to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
films at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
have not dropped until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
recommended films at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
, since they feel that the experience and the excitement are
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
at home. The advanced digital effects and the surrounding sound system do affect to the atmosphere and the attraction of the film which satisfy the viewers. And then several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
movies at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
due to they could concentrate more on than at home. They feel that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distractions when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
films at home.
For instance
, the annoying noise of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
children or pets. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
still
become one of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
entertainment places.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema’s
popularity seems to decrease as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
films through other platforms. Although it is true that there are various types of devices which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for watching films such as video recorder or DVD player, I
personally
believe that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
will not decrease, as the sensation and the excitement of watching films in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
are
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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