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It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance? v.8

It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. v. 8
It has been seen by many, people succeed and power, go almost entirely to work. Overall, accordingly many types of research, work without rest leads to a problem with health, thereby some people cannot finish what they started for reason fatigue or mental disease. Firstly, a society cannot decline the fact what diminishes of leisure time give you more time on the work to finish cases. Therefore, some people who committed to an idea completely forget about all, and frequently it leads to the exciting result. For example, the news not once have been saying about a lot of powerful politicians who gain success because of sleep three or four hours per day. Likewise, some successful men told what they have the unique work-life balance that allows them to recover body without lost any minute from work. Notwithstanding, people should in all effort take care of the work-life balance because peoples' bodies have restricted quantity of resources which means rest unavoidable and crucial for a healthy life. For instance, scientists noticed that workaholics have a problem with insomnia. As a result, people, especially with weak health, should care about vacation; however, not a detriment to their work and responsibilities. Moreover, peoples' bodies with years have been tending to faster tire and slowly recover, thereby if youth work to fatigue and can do it all week, so elderly people need more balanced work for qualitatively take care of their responsibilities. To conclude, people can sometimes forget about rest for a result; nevertheless, they should recover the resource after. Furthermore, all people are different, consequently, they will need to individually consider their capabilities and make their balance for evading problem with health in the future because of any results worthless if the price it wellness or life.
It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
succeed and power, go almost
entirely
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Overall
,
accordingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of research,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without rest leads to a problem with health, thereby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot finish what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
for reason fatigue or mental disease.

Firstly
, a society cannot decline the fact what diminishes of leisure time give you more time on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to finish cases.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who committed to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
completely forget about all, and
frequently
it leads to the exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
.
For example
, the news not once have been saying about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
powerful politicians who gain success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of sleep three or four hours per day.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
what they have the unique work-life balance that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to recover body without lost any minute from work.

Notwithstanding,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should in all effort take care of the work-life balance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
peoples' bodies have restricted quantity of resources which means rest unavoidable and crucial for a healthy life.
For instance
, scientists noticed that workaholics have a problem with insomnia. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
with weak health, should care about vacation;
however
, not a detriment to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and responsibilities.
Moreover
, peoples' bodies with years have been tending to faster tire and
slowly
recover, thereby if youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to fatigue and can do it all week,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need more balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
qualitatively
take care of their responsibilities.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
forget about rest for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
;
nevertheless
, they should recover the resource after.
Furthermore
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
,
consequently
, they will need to
individually
consider their capabilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their balance for evading problem with health in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
worthless if the price
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it wellness
or life.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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