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Children should never be put in prison with adults no matter how serious their crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Children should never be put in prison with adults no matter how serious their crime. v. 1
There is ongoing debate on whether children should be put with adults in prison. The majority of the public, like me, strongly agree that kids should be treated differently as adults. This essay will highlight the ideas why they need to be sent to different areas. Firstly, children are physiologically not mature. They could have committed the crime unknowingly. They can be taught, educated and rehabilitated back to the community more easily as compared to adults. They are like raw clay which could be moulded into any form. Many delinquent children show signs of improvement soon. In contrary, adults in prison are likely to be professional criminals, serial killers and terrorists. Being in close communications to such expert criminals would have detrimental effects on the child psychology and enforce the kid turn into a specialized criminal when the current sentence is served. Secondly, minors have different priorities as to adults. They need more time to play and sleep as compared to adults. Keeping together with adults could hamper their physical and mental development. Thirdly, they are also less likely to try to escape from the prison. So they can be put together in lower level restrictions and the government expenses can be cut down. However, there are people who think that all criminals need to be treated equally. They do not see any meaning in treating the children differently. I presume they are pretending to be ignorant. They think that punishment has to be same for similar crimes. But rehabilitation is stronger and more sustainable as compared to punishment. Juveniles are more likely to achieve a rehabilitation goal than adult criminals. In conclusion, I strongly agree that victims of juvenile delinquency should not be put together with adult criminals. The chances of a successful rehabilitation are higher if the children are put separately.
There is ongoing debate on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in prison. The majority of the public, like me,
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that kids should
be treated
differently
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. This essay will highlight the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
why they need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
physiologically
not mature. They could have committed the crime
unknowingly
. They can
be taught
, educated and rehabilitated back to the community more
easily
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
are like raw clay which could be
Possible spelling mistake found.
moulded
into any form.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
delinquent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
signs of improvement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. In contrary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in prison are likely to be professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, serial killers and terrorists. Being in close communications to such expert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
would have detrimental effects on the child psychology and enforce the kid turn into a specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
sentence
is served
.
Secondly
, minors have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
priorities as to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. They need more time to play and sleep as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. Keeping together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
could hamper their physical and mental development.
Thirdly
, they are
also
less likely to try to escape from the prison.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
together in lower level restrictions and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
expenses can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down.

However
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
need to
be treated
equally
. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any meaning in treating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
differently
. I presume they are pretending to be ignorant. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be same for similar crimes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
rehabilitation is stronger and more sustainable as compared to punishment. Juveniles are more likely to achieve a rehabilitation goal than adult criminals.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that victims of juvenile delinquency should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
together with adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. The chances of a successful rehabilitation are higher if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
put
separately
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should never be put in prison with adults no matter how serious their crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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