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Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or military. Other think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or military. Other think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 2
In the present scenario, women compete with men in each and every sector. Fewer individuals reckon that it is necessary to provide equal opportunities to the women in defence jobs, however the rest of the masses consider that women are not capable to do that kind of work. In the following structure of writing, I will shed the light on both concerns, before providing a plausible opinion. To begin with, on the face of the statement, there are multiple factors to support to the women for doing defensive jobs. The first and the foremost reason is that, ladies are capable to do each and every kind of work, such as lots of women perform in shooting, archery and other games in the Olympics, which are the evidence of doing that kind of jobs easily. Moreover, another factor that attracts is that, in all over the world, the law provides equal opportunity and mitigate the gender bias. Hence, most of the countries influenced to the girls to apply for defensive jobs. On the flip side, there is an opposing group of people who claim that women are not capable to perform such works. The prominent reason behind this is that, in some cases such as to catch a thief or chain snatcher, women are not capable to catch them, due to less physical strength as compared to the men. Furthermore, lots of people also believe that in such kinds of jobs, women are harassed by their seniors. Therefore, they don't like women performed that type of duties. For instance, a survey by BBC, which reveals that more than 30% women quit defence jobs each year due to the harassment. In a nutshell, according to the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach to a conclusion that jobs are provided without gender equality and on the behalf of performance of individual. Thus, as per my perception, it totally depends on the woman that which occupation she chose.
In the present scenario,
women
compete with
men
in each and every sector. Fewer individuals reckon that it is necessary to provide equal opportunities to the
women
in
defence
jobs
,
however
the rest of the masses consider that
women
are not
capable
to do that
kind
of work. In the following structure of writing, I will shed the light on both concerns,
before
providing a plausible opinion.

To
begin
with, on the face of the statement, there are multiple factors to support to the
women
for doing defensive
jobs
. The
first
and the foremost reason is that, ladies are
capable
to do each and every
kind
of work, such as lots of
women
perform in shooting, archery and other games in the Olympics, which are the evidence of doing that
kind
of
jobs
easily
.
Moreover
, another factor that attracts is that, in all over the world, the law provides equal opportunity and mitigate the gender bias.
Hence
, most of the countries influenced to the girls to apply for defensive jobs.

On the flip side, there is an opposing group of
people
who claim that
women
are not
capable
to perform such works. The prominent reason behind this is that, in
some
cases such as to catch a thief or chain snatcher,
women
are not
capable
to catch them, due to less physical strength as compared to the
men
.
Furthermore
, lots of
people
also
believe that in such
kinds
of
jobs
,
women
are harassed
by their seniors.
Therefore
, they don't like
women
performed that type of duties.
For instance
, a survey by BBC, which reveals that more than 30%
women
quit
defence
jobs
each year due to the harassment.

In a nutshell, according to the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach to a conclusion that
jobs
are provided
without gender equality and on the behalf of performance of individual.
Thus
, as per my perception, it
totally
depends on the woman that which occupation she chose.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or military. Other think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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