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What do you miss the most about your home when you are away? ? use details in your explanation. v.1

What do you miss the most about your home when you are away? ? use details in your explanation. v. 1
There is an argument that centres on handling kids with school with dormitories by which to the best selection for students or many negative effects to them. Even though boarding schools are a great chance for children, in my opinion, I highly believe that, young people stay with their parents is the greatest situation for them. On the one hand, many people say that students stay in school house is the best option for their studies. To begin with, if the kids are living far from their home, they can learn about how to stand alone, which makes them survive in the rough world and the time in the future. In addition, students can focus on studies more because it could be less chances when they stayed at own home. As a result, kids do not desire to help from others in their future and study harder and harder. For example, in my country schools that have a high grade of standard are mostly boarding schools, this is proof that schools are better than others. On the other hand, how many boarding schools have good effect to them, however, some believe that a few important things make kids live at their house is better that dormitory. Firstly, students should spend time with their parents, which is the most important thing in their ages, they can talk, stay and learn from their guardians. For example, a few years ago, there was a research about school, in the result of it kids stay at schools have better result of the study, however pupils who live with their parents are nicer and kinder. Secondly, kids spend time rather than study, young people should know about many things that outside of school, but if they just stick at school they cannot learn about that. Lastly, boarding school could teach them about independent mind, but that kind of things are can learn anywhere not only school. In conclusion, although boarding schools have many great effects to children, in my point of view, I am convinced that young students stay with their parents is the best way to grow them.
There is an argument that
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
on handling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with dormitories by which to the best selection for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects to them.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are a great chance for children, in my opinion, I
highly
believe that, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is the greatest situation for them.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is the best option for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are living far from their home, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about how to stand alone, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them survive in the rough world and the time in the future.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chances is countable.
less
chances when they stayed at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
do not desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from others in their future and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
harder and harder.
For example
, in my country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that have a high grade of standard are
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, this is proof that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are better than others.

On the other hand
, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effect to them,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that a few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is better that dormitory.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should spend time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in their ages, they can talk,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from their guardians.
For example
, a few years ago, there was
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, in the result of it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have better result of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
however
pupils who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are nicer and kinder.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
spend time
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should know about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that outside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stick at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about that.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
could teach them about independent mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that kind of things are can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
anywhere not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
school.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great effects to children, in my point of view, I
am convinced
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is the best way to grow them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay What do you miss the most about your home when you are away? ? use details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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