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All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric should replace them Do you agree or disagree v.1

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric should replace them v. 1
Nowadays, most children suffering from different diseases by adopting wrong lifestyle, such as it become a one major issue in society. In the modern era, numbers of children suffer from obesity. I will explain the causes as well as solutions of this problem in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, people adopt western culture they eat junk food as well as soft drinks. This type of foods prevents some main disease such as obesity. For instance, in today scenario, young children follow western culture and they eat more junk food rather than traditional food. For that reason, children suffer from obesity because junk food contains high fat and calories that easily reached in the children. Moreover, parents purchase these foods instead of preparing healthy food for their children due to tight schedule. So, parents should cook healthy food for their children as well as teach to their children about the merits of traditional food. Moving further to the second cause of obesity is the unhealthy lifestyle. Adopting western culture and advancement of technology changed the life style of young individuals. For example, In these days, children like to playing video games and watching television rather than playing field sports. For that reason, children do not do physical activity and they cannot be physically fit. The viable solution of this problem is to teach children about physical activity and healthy lifestyle as well as banning junk and unhealthy foods in schools. Therefore, children can easily active in sports and avoid junk food as well as adopting a healthy lifestyle. To conclude, unhealthy diet and inactive lifestyle are the main problem of our society and increasing the overweight in children. Thus, government and parents can encourage and tech to their children about healthy diet and physical activity.
Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases by adopting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, such as it become a one major issue in society. In the modern era, numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer from obesity. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the causes as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as solutions of this problem in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
adopt western culture they eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as soft drinks. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main disease such as obesity.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
scenario, young
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children
follow western
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
culture and
they eat more
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junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. For that reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer from obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contains high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and calories that
easily
reached in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
instead
of preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to tight schedule.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, parents should cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as teach to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the merits of traditional food.

Moving
further
to the second cause of obesity is the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Adopting western culture and advancement of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the life style of young individuals.
For example
, In these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to playing video games and watching television
rather
than playing field sports. For that reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not do physical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activity and
they cannot be
physically
fit. The viable solution of this problem is to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about physical activity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in schools.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
easily
active in sports and avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as adopting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

To conclude
, unhealthy diet and inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
are the main problem of our society and increasing the overweight in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and parents can encourage and tech to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet and physical activity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric should replace them v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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