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The international community should tackle the threat of global warming. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The international community should tackle the threat of global warming. v. 1
While it is considered by some people that getting a degree from a tertiary institution is the best way to a successful career, others are of the opinion that it is preferred to get a job immediately after school. Although there are convincing arguments on both sides, I believe that learning at the University is the best way to have a good profession. On one hand, learning in the University qualifies one to have a better career. Having a bachelors degree at the University level increases the changes of employment in reputable companies because nowadays, an employer looks for workers who has the right qualifications. For instance, a medical director who wants to employ a doctor in a hospital will accept only those that graduated with a medical diploma. On the other hand, opponents think that it is better to get a job after secondary school because it increases the years of experience. The earlier someone starts working the more the get accustomed to their profession. For example, some professions such as drivers and nail technicians require years of practice and experience in order to do well in their field. I am of the opinion that it is preferable to have a higher education so that one can earn an attractive salary. Most skilled workers earn more than the unskilled labourers. It is known that those who gets a higher education spends a huge sum of money in school. Therefore, it is reasonable that they should be paid well. To illustrate this, in developed countries, a banker's income is greater as opposed to a cleaner. In conclusion, even though there are arguments on if people should get a certificate from an educational institution or start working after high school, I reiterate my opinion that it is better to earn a degree because it gives better jobs and salaries. Therefore, people are advised to start considering entering college.
While it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that getting a degree from a tertiary institution is the best way to a successful career, others are of the opinion that it
is preferred
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job immediately after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Although there are convincing arguments on both sides, I believe that learning at the University is the best way to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profession.

On one hand, learning in the University qualifies one to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
career. Having a bachelors degree at the University level increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of employment in reputable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays, an employer looks for workers who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'workers' should be used.
has
the right qualifications.
For instance
, a medical director who wants to employ a doctor in a hospital will accept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those that graduated with a medical diploma.

On the other hand
, opponents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job after secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it increases the years of experience. The earlier someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
working the more the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accustomed to their profession.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professions such as drivers and nail technicians require years of practice and experience in order to do well in their field.

I am of the opinion that it is preferable to have a higher education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that one can earn an attractive salary. Most skilled workers earn more than the unskilled
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
. It
is known
that those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a higher education spends a huge sum of money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Therefore
, it is reasonable that they should
be paid
well. To illustrate this, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, a banker's income is greater
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
opposed to a cleaner.

In conclusion
,
even though
there are arguments on if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a certificate from an educational institution or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I reiterate my opinion that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to earn a degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
jobs and salaries.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are advised
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
considering entering college.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The international community should tackle the threat of global warming. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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