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Air travel only the richest people. The majority of people get no advantage from development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Air travel only the richest people. The majority of people get no advantage from development of air travel. v. 1
The advancement in technology has allowed the development of different machines. However, a debatable topic is whether these technological innovations cause more harm than good to man. This essay will discuss the reason why the advantages surpass the disadvantages. On the one hand, a major contribution of advanced technology to humans is that, it has helped improve the health care system. This is because, through the use of machines such as the computer tomography, x-ray machines, health professionals can quickly diagnose an illness. For example, since the Nigeria Government provided all the primary health care centres with magnetic resonance machines, the mortality rate has reduced from 90% to 30% this outstanding result shows the value machines contribute in improving the quality of life of humans. Additionally, computers are good tools for learning this is because, high school and college students can use it to get relevant information for the research studies and assignments. On the other hand, there demerits of advanced technology. One of which is the stealing of bank Codes and passwords. With new softwares hackers can easily manipulate their way through banks system. Hence, getting access to people's codes and identity which can lead to fraud. Nevertheless, If the Government puts strict rules against hackers it will reduce the rate of hacking. Another demerit is the easy access to porn sites. This is because, many of these sites are not restricted hence, students and adults can easily indulge themselves in pornography. If a ban on pornography is introduced, it will put this habit in check. In conclusion, although there are many benefits that are associated with the use of the various technologies, the drawbacks should also be controlled so it does not outweigh the benefit.
The advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
the development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
However
, a debatable topic is whether these technological innovations cause more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. This essay will discuss the reason why the advantages surpass the disadvantages.

On the one hand, a major contribution of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to humans is that, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health care system. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
such as the computer tomography, x-ray
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, health professionals can
quickly
diagnose an illness.
For example
, since the Nigeria
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
provided all the primary health care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
with magnetic resonance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, the mortality rate has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
from 90% to 30% this outstanding result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
contribute in improving the quality of life of humans.
Additionally
, computers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
tools for learning this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, high school and college students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relevant information for the research studies and assignments.

On the other hand
, there demerits of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. One of which is the stealing of bank Codes and passwords. With new
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
hackers can
easily
manipulate their way through banks system.
Hence
, getting access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's codes and identity which can lead to fraud.
Nevertheless
, If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
puts strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
against hackers it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of hacking. Another demerit is the easy access to porn sites. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these sites are not restricted
hence
, students and adults can
easily
indulge themselves in pornography. If a ban on pornography
is introduced
, it will put this habit in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits that
are associated
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, the drawbacks should
also
be controlled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it does not outweigh the benefit.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Air travel only the richest people. The majority of people get no advantage from development of air travel. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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