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Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. v. 1
Many people believe that the development of air travel can only enrich the richest person's life, and ordinary people benefit nothing from that. From my points of views, there are persuasive reasons to concur to such claims. The prime reason to support my position is that air space adventure is really expensive. Therefore, only the most powerful man or woman in the world can afford. My professor Max told us one trip needs to spend more than 1 billion dollars per person. In addition, people cannot take pictures during the trip. So it can be said that most of the human beings don't have the chance to experience. Another reason for my belief is that air adventure doesn't provide specific science benefit to the world. Nonetheless, it takes a lot of resources for developing air travel. My sister, Jane told me that Europe also supports this project so they provide a lot of investments in this plan as well. However, this plan is unworthy for most people in the world. The final reason why I support my conviction is that it gives youth wrong expectation. Take my friend, Tina, for example her son Mike heard about travelling in the air space. He asked her mother to take him to experience. However, their family can't afford these expenses. Consequently, it can be said that normal people of the world can get nothing from the success of air travelling. To conclude, there is not to say that such progress of air adventure is without merit. Nevertheless, only the groups of the richest people can have the chance to experience. Salary class people like me that we can only imagine the pictures of the air trip.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
enrich the richest person's life, and ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
benefit nothing from that. From my points of views, there are persuasive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to concur to such claims.

The prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to support my position is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
space adventure is
really
expensive.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the most powerful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or woman in the world can afford. My professor Max
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
us one trip needs to spend more than 1 billion dollars per person.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot take pictures during the trip.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it can
be said
that most of the human beings don't have the chance to experience.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for my belief is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
adventure doesn't provide specific science benefit to the world. Nonetheless, it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
resources for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel. My sister, Jane
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that Europe
also
supports this project
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
investments in this plan
as well
.
However
, this plan is unworthy for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world.

The final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why I support my conviction is that it gives youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
expectation. Take my friend, Tina,
for example
her son Mike heard about travelling in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
space. He asked her mother to take him to experience.
However
, their family can't afford these expenses.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the world can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
nothing from the success of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travelling.

To conclude
, there is not to say that such progress of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
adventure is without merit.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the groups of the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have the chance to experience. Salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like me that we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
imagine the pictures of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
trip.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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