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Agree or disagree? Successful persons try new things and taking risks, rather than only doing things and what already know how to do well. v.1

Agree or disagree? Successful persons try new things and taking risks, rather than only doing things and what already know how to do well. v. 1
Taking a gap year to go overseas or work before entering university is encouraged in some countries. Although adolescents can gain real-life experiences and soft skills by taking a year off after high school, it has some drawbacks. On the one hand, there are multiple advantages to young people working or travelling before starting their university education. Firstly, they have the chance of acquiring soft skills, which are crucial in universities and the workplace, before starting their studies. Personal skills, for instance, teamwork, leadership qualities, and cooperation are essential for successful young adults and can greatly contribute to their academic progress as well as their careers. Secondly, travelling abroad enhances young people’s experiences and nurtures independence. They would mix with foreign people, get to know other cultures in addition to planning their trip. This broadens their horizons and helps them become open-minded and self-reliant. On the other hand, one problem when adolescents stop studying for a year is the possibility of them losing interest in resuming their education. After working for a year, they might start loving their careers way more than having to study and go to university daily. Furthermore, as they start earning money, it can become hard for them to forsake their financial independence in order to study. Another problem is spending a lot of money on travelling, therefore, being unable to afford to study at universities. This can be exemplified by adolescents who fail to work during their gap year and instead waste their money on travelling and fun activities. These people would be unable to support themselves or pay tuition fees. To conclude, while young people can benefit from taking a gap year before starting university studies, it can also lead them to waste their money or become uninterested in continuing their studies.
Taking a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
to go overseas or work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is encouraged
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. Although adolescents can gain real-life experiences and soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off after high school, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are multiple advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
starting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.
Firstly
, they have the chance of acquiring soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which are crucial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and the workplace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
starting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
for instance
, teamwork, leadership qualities, and cooperation are essential for successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults and can
greatly
contribute to their academic progress
as well
as their careers.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad enhances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
experiences and nurtures independence. They would mix with foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know other cultures
in addition
to planning their trip. This broadens their horizons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them become open-minded and self-reliant.

On the other hand
, one problem when adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
studying for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is the possibility of them losing interest in resuming their education. After working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
loving their careers way more than having to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
daily.
Furthermore
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it can become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to forsake their financial independence in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Another problem is spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
,
therefore
, being unable to afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. This can
be exemplified
by adolescents who fail to work during their gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and
instead
waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
and fun activities. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be unable to support themselves or pay tuition fees.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can benefit from taking a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, it can
also
lead them to waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or become uninterested in continuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Agree or disagree? Successful persons try new things and taking risks, rather than only doing things and what already know how to do well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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