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agree or disagree with this statementtelevision advertising directed toward toward young children should not be allowed v.2

agree or disagree with this statementtelevision advertising directed toward toward young children should not be allowed v. 2
In this ever-changing world, public media play a significant role in peoples' life, they especially impress adolescent and children negatively or maybe positively depends on type of program. Considering the fact that television advertisements have financial purposes, their effects on children are never considered. Due to these facts, I personally believe that television’s advertisement should not direct toward young children. There are three main reasons why I have this preference. First and foremost, because of the reason that children (aged two to five) are in sensitive age which learn and imitate everything they see immediately, the content of programs which are broadcast on television for them should be controlled especially psychologically. As an instance, I saw a cartoon when I was five years old that a honey bee lost its mother and always was bored and stressful in search of mother. The stress and concern of that honey bee was highly affected me in a way that now I remember it after twenty five years. Regarding this sensitivity, the advertisement should not addressed children because it could have impressed them in an irreparable way. Another prominent reason is that, making decision by children in this age is more emotionally rather than logically, so, appealing advertisements on television absorb them and they desire to have it even if having this object will be harmful. For example there is an advertisement about learning alphabet’s' package on television in my country; although this kind of learning is not appropriate for this age, lots of parents buy it for their babies because of their insistence. Last but not least, the advertisements which are shown on television, often are made in tricky way to absorb people to buy a product, even if they are not standardized or have poor quality which hurt consumer. Therefore, by addressing children but not parents, producers try to sell more and more. So, this is a kind of abusing which should be prevented by whom is responsible for. To sum up, television advertisements should not be allowed to address children due to some reasons such as sensitivity of children, emotional based decisions, and deceptive purpose behind the advertisements.
In this ever-changing world, public media play a significant role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
peoples&
#039; life, they
especially
impress adolescent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
negatively
or maybe
positively
depends on type of program. Considering the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have financial purposes, their effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are never considered. Due to these facts, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
should not direct toward young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are three main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why I have this preference.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
(aged two to five) are in sensitive age which learn and imitate everything they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
immediately, the content of programs which are broadcast on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for them should
be controlled
especially
psychologically
. As an instance, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a cartoon when I was five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
that a honey bee lost its mother and always
was bored
and stressful in search of mother. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and concern of that honey bee was
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
me in a way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I remember it after
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty five
years. Regarding this sensitivity, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "address"
addressed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could have impressed them
Consider replacing "in an irreparable way" with the adverb for "irreparable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an irreparable way
.

Another prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that, making decision by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in this age is more
emotionally
rather
than
logically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, appealing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
absorb
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they desire to have it even if having this object will be harmful.
For example
there is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
about learning alphabet’
Possible spelling mistake found.
s&
#039; package on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in my country; although this kind of learning is not appropriate for this age, lots of parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it for their babies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their insistence.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which
are shown
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are made
in tricky way to absorb
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a product, even if they are not standardized or have poor quality which hurt consumer.
Therefore
, by addressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not parents, producers try to sell more and more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this is a kind of abusing which should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by whom is responsible for.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to address
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
such as sensitivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, emotional based decisions, and deceptive purpose behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay agree or disagree with this statementtelevision advertising directed toward toward young children should not be allowed v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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