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Agree or disagree, computer games playing could waste times and we should prevent children from play it. v.2

Agree or disagree, computer games playing could waste times and we should prevent children from play it. v. 2
It is a highly debated issue whether or not we should allow our children to play computer games, and this topic can be approached from several angles. Some parents believe that playing computer games is a waste of time. They say that it affect negatively on their children learning and keep distracted them from doing their homework. I understand this point of view but I have a different one. I believe that computer games have many advantages and we shouldn’t prevent our children from it, and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning. To begin with, computer games help children to learn new things all the time. Most of these games have techniques and rules, these help children to be advance in thinking and solving problems. Beside that, there are many games are educational ones. For instance, I bought an IPad for my three years daughter few years ago. I downloaded many educational games apps. These apps helped my daughter to learn all about English. Some of them for learning letters, shapes, and colors. Others show her how to write words. When she turned five, she went to a kindergarten. The teacher didn’t believe that my daughter learning English as a second language, she believed that my daughter is fluent enough to be in a regular classroom. As you could see, learning from computer games is beneficial as same as learning in classroom some times. Second, computer games could be an excellent reward or used as a positive re-enforcers for kids. For example, my other daughter is Autistic and she is ten years old. She likes computer games a lot. Her teacher used them as a positive re-enforcer, when she do well in her school works, or when she behaves well too. From my personal experience I could say that having a computer games could be used as a great rewards for kids, and it cost nothing. Last but not least, computer games is just a way to kill times as other activities like watching TV. or listening to music. So, why we would prevent the computer games but we don’t prevent the other ones. Some times we all have an extra times we simply do want to spend it towards learning or studying, and we prefer to do some fun activities to kill it. I believe that computer games is one of these activities and we shouldn’t prevent our children from use it if it doesn’t affected on them directly. In conclusion, I strongly think that computer games have nothing to do with distracting our kids and preventing them from learning, but instead it helps them to learn and use their brain more than other activities. I encourage parents to look on the advantages of the computer games and trying to use it towards their children benefits.
It is a
highly
debated issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and this topic can
be approached
from several angles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. They say that it affect
negatively
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
distracted them from doing their homework. I understand this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
one. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advantages and
we shouldn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from it, and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn new things all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have techniques and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be advance in thinking and solving problems. Beside that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
For instance
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
an
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPad
for my three years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughter
few years ago. I downloaded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
apps. These apps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughter
to learn all about English.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
letters, shapes, and colors. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
her how to write words. When she turned five, she went to a kindergarten. The teacher didn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
English as a second language, she believed that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughter
is fluent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be in a regular classroom. As you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
from computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is beneficial as same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in classroom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times.

Second, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could be an excellent reward or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
re-enforcers for kids.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daughter
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Autistic and
she is ten years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. She likes computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
a lot. Her teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
them as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
re-enforcer, when she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
do
well in her school works, or when she behaves well too. From my personal experience I could say that having a computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a great rewards for kids, and it cost nothing.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a way to kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like watching TV. or listening to music.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, why we would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
we all have an extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
we
simply
do want to spend it towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
or studying, and we prefer to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to kill it. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is one of these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
we shouldn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it if it doesn’t
The verb 'doesn't' requires base form of this verb: "affect"
affected
on them
directly
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have nothing to do with distracting our kids and preventing them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their brain more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I encourage parents to look on the advantages of the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
benefits.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or disagree, computer games playing could waste times and we should prevent children from play it. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
469 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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