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some people say that the internet provides us with a lot of valuable information, others think that access to so many information creates problem, which view do you agree with. v.2

some people say that the internet provides us with a lot of valuable information, others think that access to so many information creates problem, which view do you agree with. v. 2
The internet affects dramatically on our lives today. Through internet, we got a lot of information that might benefit or harm us, depending on the way that we use it. Some people believe that the presence of the internet creates many problems. They say that with internet a lot of people got harmed with the ease of entering to their personal data by others. I understand this point of view but I have a different opinion. I believe that the internet helps a lot of people and we can’t simply disagree with its benefits, and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning. To begin with, through internet, we can access to unlimited resources. When I started my graduation research, I depended totally on the internet to get my resources. My research was about the last medication for hypertension and angina. If I depended on the library’s resources, I wouldn’t get a high grade at all. All the books on the library, wasn’t up to date, especially with this kind of information. One of my resources was from Japanese university, they had the last updated information about the medicine that I was working on. Second, we could find many solution to our problems by searching the internet. My phone’s screen broke three weeks ago. I went to the company to find solution, but they told me that it will cost me $300 to fix it. I couldn’t afford to pay that amount, so, simply, I searched the internet for other solution. I found that I could by the screen from the ebay, then I could replace it by myself. That cost me $50 only, and I was able to repair my phone with the help of the internet. Last but not least, with the internet, we could help others. Last week, my daughter had a stomach ache at the middle of night. I couldn’t take her to the hospital because I didn’t have a car. I needed to wait until the morning, when my husband would come back from his work. I searched the internet, on how to calm the stomach for kids. I found that we need to put them in a hot tub, or giving them a hot drink could also help. I tried all these trick, and it works. My daughter felt much better after few minutes. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of having the internet is much more obvious than the disadvantages. Also, it depends totally on how to use the internet, but for sure we can’t under estimate these benefits to the entire world.
The internet affects
dramatically
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Through internet, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information that might benefit or harm us, depending on the way that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the presence of the internet creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems. They say that with internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
harmed with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of entering to their personal data by others. I understand this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion. I believe that the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
we can’t
simply
disagree with its benefits, and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, through internet, we can access to unlimited resources. When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
my graduation research, I depended
totally
on the internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
my resources. My research was about the last medication for hypertension and angina. If I depended on the library’s resources, I wouldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high grade at all. All the books on the library, wasn’t up to date,
especially
with this kind of information. One of my resources was from Japanese university, they had the last updated information about the medicine that I was working on.

Second, we could find
Possible agreement error. The noun solution seems to be countable; consider using: "many solutions".
many solution
to our problems by searching the internet. My phone’s screen broke three weeks ago. I went to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to find solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that it will cost me $300 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
it. I couldn’t afford to pay that amount,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
simply
, I searched the internet for other solution.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
found that I could
Did you maybe mean "buy" or "be"?
by
the screen from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebay
, then I could replace it by myself. That cost me $50
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, and I was able to repair my phone with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the internet.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, with the internet, we could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others. Last week, my daughter had a stomach ache at the middle of night. I couldn’t take her to the hospital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I didn’t have a car. I needed to wait until the morning, when my husband would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back from his work.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
searched the internet, on how to calm the stomach for kids.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
found that we need to put them in a hot tub, or giving them a hot drink could
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
tried all these trick, and it works. My daughter felt much better after few minutes.

In conclusion
, I believe that the advantages of having the internet is much more obvious than the disadvantages.
Also
, it depends
totally
on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for sure we can’t under estimate these benefits to the entire world.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay some people say that the internet provides us with a lot of valuable information, others think that access to so many information creates problem, which view do you agree with. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
431 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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