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do you agree or disagreeit is better to have broad education of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject v.2

it is better to have broad education of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject v. 2
It is a highly debated issue whether or not having a broad knowledge of many academic subjects is better than specializing in one specific subject, and this topic can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. I respect this point of view, but I have a different opinion, and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning. To begin with, when you study so many subjects that are not connecting to each other, you simply lose your time. We can’t concentrate on many subjects at the same time, then we expect that we could get a deeper knowledge from them too. For example, I have a friend who is in the college now, her name is Nadien. Nadien entered the college four years ago. She didn’t know what classes to choose, so, she decided to register for all the classes that she interested in. She took religious class, cooking class, and many other classes that aren’t connecting to each other. Today, Nadien still in college changing between majors, and couldn’t graduated yet. Simply, she lost her time by taking all these classes and not concentrating on specific major or goal. Secondly, people who concentrate on specific subject are able to get a higher education, such as master or doctorate degree. When you study for many academic subjects, you can’t get a higher education with all of them at once, and you might lose all the hard work that you do. I will discuss my case as an example, I’m a pharmacist, when I entered the pharmacy college in my country, I studied only the subjects that required for me to be a pharmacist. I didn’t study anything connecting to history or language art because it wouldn’t give me any credit. After the college, I was able to take a master degree in pharmacology. I wouldn’t able to get that degree if I was studying a broad subjects while I was in the college. Last but not least, concentrating on one specific subject, will help you to get more knowledge and experience about that subject. When you keep concentrating and focusing on certain subject, you could get more information about it and also you could be more knowledgeable person. For instance, my uncle is a professor in math. He teaches in a large university in my country. He reached to this level because his hard study about one subject and concentrating on getting his education around math only. In conclusion, I believe that people should concentrate with their study on certain major or subject to get more experience and to reach to a higher education, not mentioning saving their time.
It is a
highly
debated issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
having a broad knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is better than specializing in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, and this topic can
be approached
from several angles due to its complexity. I respect this point of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion, and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are not connecting to each other, you
simply
lose your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. We can’t concentrate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, then we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a deeper knowledge from them too.
For example
, I have a friend who is in the college
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, her name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nadien
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nadien
entered the college four years ago. She didn’t know what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
to choose,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, she decided to register for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
that she interested in. She took religious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
that aren’t connecting to each other.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nadien
still
in college changing between majors, and couldn’t
The verb 'couldn't' requires base form of this verb: "graduate"
graduated
yet
.
Simply
, she lost her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by taking all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrating
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
major or goal.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, such as master or doctorate degree. When you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, you can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with all of them at once, and you might lose all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work that you do. I will discuss my case as an example, I’m a pharmacist, when I entered the pharmacy college in my country, I studied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that required for me to be a pharmacist. I didn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
anything connecting to history or language art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it wouldn’t give me any credit. After the college, I was able to take a master degree in pharmacology. I wouldn’t able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that degree if I was studying a broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
while I was in the college.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrating
on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more knowledge and experience about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. When you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrating
and focusing on certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more information about it and
also
you could be more knowledgeable person.
For instance
, my uncle is a professor in math. He teaches in a large university in my country. He reached to this level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
about one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrating
on getting his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
around math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

In conclusion
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should concentrate with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
on certain major or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more experience and to reach to a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, not mentioning saving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay it is better to have broad education of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
441 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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