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Agree or disagree: people should not spend a lot of time on communicating by technologies, such as through social media or with text message. v.2

Agree or disagree: people should not spend a lot of time on communicating by technologies, such as through social media or with text message. v. 2
Communicating by technologies has become a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it allows people to communicate quickly with anyone around the world; on the other hand, people spends too much time on the technology product rather than on the real world. In my opinion, I disagree that people should spend less time on communicating by technologies. First of all, advanced social media can save a lot of time which is precise for people nowadays. It is more time-consuming to meet a person face to face because you need to arrange time and match other’s schedule. With the communicating software, one can easily connect to the other and discuss important issue right away. Furthermore, there is no need to worry about other’s time are not suitable for you because you can always leave your message and just wait for the response. For instance, my father is a manager of an international company so he always needs to have a meeting with other business men. With the social media, they can quickly express their opinion on the social group and discuss in the text message which takes them a little time but can have a conclusion soon. Another important factor for using communicating software is that it makes no distance for people who are apart from two places. People spend time on communicating by technologies can actually enforce the connection between others. Even though people are not in the same area or time zone, they can still speak to others and text their words to express their care through these technologies. For example, my boyfriend and I are long distance love so we can only use social media to update the daily life of each other. I do spend a lot of my time on communicating by text message or skype but I feel that we are even more close to each other. In conclusion, although some may argue that people are addicted to the social media and cannot communicate in the real world, I would say that people spend their time on communicating technologies may actually save their precise time and improve the connection with others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Communicating
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
has become a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate
quickly
with anyone around the world; on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
spends
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
product
rather
than on the real world. In my opinion, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
by technologies.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which is precise for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays. It is more time-consuming to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a person face to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you need to arrange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and match
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
schedule. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
software, one can
easily
connect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue right away.
Furthermore
, there is no need to worry about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are not suitable for you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
your message and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wait for the response.
For instance
, my father is a manager of an international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he always needs to have a meeting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, they can
quickly
express their opinion on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
group and discuss in the text message which takes them a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can have a conclusion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
software is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
no distance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are apart from two places.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
can actually enforce the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
others.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not in the same area or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
zone, they can
still
speak to others and text their words to express their care through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
For example
, my boyfriend and I are long distance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to update the daily life of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. I do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
by text message or skype
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I feel that we are even more close to each other.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and cannot communicate in the real world, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
may actually save their precise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the connection with others.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or disagree: people should not spend a lot of time on communicating by technologies, such as through social media or with text message. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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