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Agree or disagree In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

Agree or disagree In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
Being young used to be one of the selection criteria for getting certain jobs, however, it has been changed recently that people are protected by the law in some nations not to be judged based on their age when seeking employment. I totally agree that this is a positive movement that facilitates fairness and encourages people to engage in work across the lifespan. Our aging society requires more workers; therefore, removing the age restriction on hiring processes creates increased job opportunities for people even when they reach pension age. Most of the elders serve as a strong workforce because they are still fit to work even after reaching retirement age these days. For example, 60 % of people in Japan choose to continue to work after reaching the retirement age, filling the gap of job vacancies which cannot be filled by new workers. This is beneficial for companies as they can hire experienced workers, rather than spending money and time on training new staff. The fair employment opportunity is beneficial in eradicating the stigma associated with the elderly. The elderly are often seen as a burden of society as they no longer contribute to economic production. If they show a contribution to the world by continuing to work while they are physically capable, the individuals' attitude would change. They can use their sophisticated knowledge and skills to train younger generations, and this is what society needs. For instance, a recent survey conducted in a Japanese company identified that 98% of employees agreed to the benefit of hiring old but experienced workers in terms of work efficiency and productivity. In conclusion, the implementation of the law to protect people from getting discriminated against their age not only beneficial for the society in supplying necessary workforces but also it changes people's attitude towards the elderly and create a healthy society.
Being young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be one of the selection criteria for getting certain jobs,
however
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
recently that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are protected
by the law in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations not to
be judged
based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when seeking employment. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
movement that facilitates fairness and encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
across the lifespan.

Our aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
requires more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
;
therefore
, removing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
restriction on hiring processes creates increased job opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even when they reach pension
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Most of the elders serve as a strong workforce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
still
fit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even after reaching retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
these days.
For example
, 60 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Japan choose to continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after reaching the retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
The usual prepositions to use after "filling" is 'with' not "the" Did you mean "filling the gap with"?
filling the gap of
job vacancies which cannot
be filled
by new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. This is beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as they can hire experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
,
rather
than spending money and time on training new staff.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
employment opportunity is beneficial in eradicating the stigma associated with the elderly. The elderly are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as they no longer contribute to economic production. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a contribution to the world by continuing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while they are
physically
capable, the individuals' attitude would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their sophisticated knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to train younger generations, and this is what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
needs.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted in a Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
identified that 98% of employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to the benefit of hiring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency and productivity.

In conclusion
, the implementation of the law to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from getting discriminated against their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in supplying necessary
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitude towards the elderly and create a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or disagree In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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