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Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 4: Agree or disagree: In twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 4: Agree or disagree: In twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
It is a popular belief that people who are grounded in science and technology are more important to the modern society than singers and artist. I totally agree that skilled scientist and technologist are more valued than artists in today's world. I will discuss two reasons for my opinion in the paragraphs below. Experts in science and technology are more relevant today because they have contributed in many ways to humanity than artisans. Scientists and technologist have made inventions that have improved and saved the lives of many individuals. Some of these inventions include instruments used by musicians in making good music, and drugs for curing deadly diseases. For example, the piano was invented by an American scientist who lived during the twentieth century and continuous improvements are still made to this instrument by scientist till date. The discovery of a cure for cancer is also another example of the contribution of science to the world. Another reason I think well-grounded science and technology experts are considered more valuable than singers and artisans is that they dress in a manner the community perceives as responsible. Artist tend to be more daring and exploring their dress sense and people frown this. On the other hand, scientists are more inclined to wear conservative clothing. For example, many male artists carry dreadlocks and have their ears pierced and many people judge them to be irresponsible because of this. In conclusion, skilled scientist and technologist are more valuable than artist because they have contributed immensely to the world, and they wear dress decently.
It is a popular belief that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are grounded
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the modern society than singers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
and technologist are more valued than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world. I will discuss two reasons for my opinion in the paragraphs below.

Experts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology are more relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have contributed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to humanity than artisans.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
and technologist have made inventions that have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and saved the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these inventions include instruments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by musicians in making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
music, and drugs for curing deadly diseases.
For example
, the piano
was invented
by an American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
during the twentieth century and continuous improvements are
still
made to this instrument by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
till date. The discovery of a cure for cancer is
also
another example of the contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
to the world.

Another reason I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
well-grounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology experts
are considered
more valuable than singers and artisans is that they dress in a manner the community perceives as responsible.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artist
tend to be more daring and exploring their dress sense and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
frown this.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are more inclined to wear conservative clothing.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
carry dreadlocks and have their ears pierced and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
judge them to be irresponsible
because of this
.

In conclusion
, skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
and technologist are more valuable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have contributed
immensely
to the world, and they wear dress
decently
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 4: Agree or disagree: In twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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