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Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
It is proven by researchers that, myriads of offenders lack an educational status. For this specific reason the society argues that with an adequate educational system provided within the prison premises that, the crime rate within the economy can be exponentially reduced when the criminals have been pardoned for their legal actions. I thoroughly agree with this statement, I agree with this view for several reasons outlined in greater detail in my essay. At the outset, it is a well-known factor that an uneducated community leads towards a declining economy in aspects of illicit actions. Through a proper education an individual, who was once a culprit could learn the accurate aspects of life and could rehabilitate ones-self. For example, unless an elementary child is taught on etiquettes during its childhood, it is impossible for to understand right from wrong when they are adults. Hence this same principle should be applied to all criminals that lack the privilege of a competent educational system. Furthermore, if prisoners are directed to a specific specialized field that they could invest their skills and talents in rather than involving in crime. With fortified job aspects ex-criminals would be given the courage to step foot within the community and engage in employment and are less likely to engage in crime. For instance, if prisoners, learn about modern technology connected with agriculture, many waste lands could be handed over to them in order for cultivation purposes. Last but not least, by investing the time and effort to educate convicts, it would further enhance the productivity of the absolved individual, rapidly increasing the thriving economy towards a developed nation. To cite an example, in Egypt the crime rate has deducted by 20% since the enforcement of an educational system within the prison boundaries, In conclusion, given the opportunity to a prisoner to indulge themselves in a more efficient and affective aspect with the introduction of an educational scheme within the prison base will definitely improve a country's economy and also drive it towards prosperity due to the minimal criminal activities.
It
is proven
by researchers that, myriads of offenders lack an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
status. For this specific reason the society argues that with an adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
system provided within the prison premises that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
can be
exponentially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
when the criminals have
been pardoned
for their legal actions. I
thoroughly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view for several reasons outlined in greater detail in my essay.

At the outset, it is a well-known factor that an uneducated community leads towards a declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of illicit actions. Through a proper education an individual, who was once a culprit could learn the accurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of life and could rehabilitate ones-self.
For example
, unless an elementary child
is taught
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
during its childhood, it is impossible for to understand right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
when they are adults.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
this same principle should
be applied
to all criminals that lack the privilege of a competent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
system.

Furthermore
, if prisoners
are directed
to a specific specialized field that they could invest their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and talents in
rather
than involving in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. With fortified job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
ex-criminals would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the courage to step foot within the community and engage in employment and are less likely to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For instance
, if prisoners, learn about modern technology connected with agriculture,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
waste lands could
be handed
over to them in order for cultivation purposes.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, by investing the time and effort to educate convicts, it would
further
enhance the productivity of the absolved individual,
rapidly
increasing the thriving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
towards a developed nation. To cite an example, in Egypt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has deducted by 20% since the enforcement of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
system within the prison boundaries,

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to a prisoner to indulge themselves in a more efficient and affective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
with the introduction of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
scheme within the prison base will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and
also
drive it towards prosperity due to the minimal criminal activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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