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Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports However some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people Discuss both views and give your opinions v.1

Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports However some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people 1
It is undeniable that over consumption of sugar makes people sick. To overcome this alarming issue, some believe that the authorities should take some steps while others disagree and assert that it is an individual's responsibility to control the consumption of sugary products. I believe that both parties are equally responsible and should come together to solve this problem. To begin with the first notion there is a portion of society who believe that the government is solely owner to control the reachability of sugary drinks and products to the citizens. They think that if the authorities will ban these products and levy high taxes on the manufacturing companies and seller then there will be a drastic decrease in the availability of high calorie food. Furthermore, If the government will take strict actions against brands then these firms will be discouraged to produce more and more unhealthy food products. To exemplify, In Japan the nation's government introduced a system where the cold-drinks and sugary drinks are being tested in terms of calories they have and if these drinks pass the test then will be allowed to come for sell in the markets. Moving towards the second notion, some argue that its individual's duty to take care of their health and limit the use of unhealthy food items. They believe that no matter how strictly the government is taking action, if a person is not willing to stay healthy and concentrate on healthy diet then all hard work done by authorities will go waste. In other words, each individual should discourage the use of the food products which are high in content. For instance, Indian people are now educated and declining the use of coca-cola. As a result, manufacturers are offering numerous offers to increase the sale. According to me, I feel that if society and government bodies will come together and plan to implement new rules and regulation with the help of all people, then it will be easy to deal with this situation and no more obesity issue will persist because of the sugar. By the way of conclusion, Although a few individuals feel that authorities should take against sugar consumption and others think it is an individual's core responsibility, I opine both are responsible to deal with this problem and should work together.
It is undeniable that over consumption of sugar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
sick. To overcome this alarming issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps while others disagree and assert that it is an individual's responsibility to control the consumption of sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that both parties are
equally
responsible and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together to solve this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
first
notion there is a portion of society who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
solely
owner to control the
Possible spelling mistake found.
reachability
of sugary drinks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to the citizens. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
will ban these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and levy high taxes on the manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and seller then there will be a drastic decrease in the availability of high calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Furthermore
, If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will take strict actions against brands then these firms will
be discouraged
to produce more and more unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. To exemplify, In Japan the nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
introduced a system where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
-drinks and sugary drinks are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
in terms of calories they have and if these drinks pass the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
then will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
Did you mean "for sale"?
for sell
in the markets.

Moving towards the second notion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that its individual's duty to take care of their health and limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that no matter how
strictly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is taking action, if a person is not willing to stay healthy and concentrate on healthy diet then all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
will go waste.
In other words
, each individual should discourage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are high in content.
For instance
, Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
educated and declining the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of coca-cola.
As a result
, manufacturers are offering numerous offers to increase the sale.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, I feel that if society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
bodies will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and plan to implement new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, then it will be easy to deal with this situation and no more obesity issue will persist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the sugar.

By the way of conclusion, Although a few individuals feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
should take against sugar consumption
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is an individual's core responsibility, I opine both are responsible to deal with this problem and should work together.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports However some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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