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11. A sociology class requires that students expose themselves to day-to-day work in a local social service agency. To do this, students can choose to volunteer at one specific agency, or they can choose to visit two or three agencies and write up their o v.1

11. A sociology class requires that students expose themselves to day-to-day work in a local social service agency. To do this, students can choose to volunteer at one specific agency, or they can choose to visit two or three agencies and write up their o v. 1
The percentage of severe crimes have reduced in some of the nations. However, even then the public has lost a sense of safety. This is due to the lack of security and excess focus of the media on criminality. The solutions to this problem is that the government must enforce proper security measures and regulate the media to stop over-coverage of crime-related news. The main cause of fear among people linked with crime is the absence of the safety measures in the country. Despite of the decrease in crime rates, people no longer feel safe. This is because, unfortunately, in some countries the authorities have failed to create an impression of safety, which has rooted anxiety in the minds of the masses. Another major element behind this problem is the overexposure of criminal acts by the media in order to gain high-ratings on their channels. Sadly, such reports shown to people repetitively have only increased panic in the society, therefore, people feel less safe than before. The most efficient solutions to this issue is the addition of surveillance cameras in the streets, shopping centres and all the public areas by the authorities to spot any unlawful act right away. This way, citizens will sense safety in their lives. For instance, In the UAE, for 24 hour security of citizens every public place has cameras monitored by the police to constantly keep an eye on the criminal acts. Secondly, the government should impose a law on the news media, not to showcase previous criminal reports frequently on television, social media and newspapers, which is only adding angst among the public. For example, if the media will broadcast the positive side of the society, it will impact positively on the minds of the people. To conclude, in order to make the citizens feel safe and sound in their country, the government and the media must take necessary actions to keep the people live fear-free and secure life.
The percentage of severe crimes
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
nations.
However
, even then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
has lost a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
. This is due to the lack of security and excess focus of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
on criminality. The solutions to this problem is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
enforce proper security measures and regulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
over-coverage of crime-related news.

The main cause of fear among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
linked with crime is the absence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measures in the country.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the decrease in crime rates,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer feel safe. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, unfortunately, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries the authorities have failed to create an impression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
, which has rooted anxiety in the minds of the masses. Another major element behind this problem is the overexposure of criminal acts by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in order to gain high-ratings on their channels.
Sadly
, such reports shown to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
repetitively
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increased panic in the society,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel less safe than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

The most efficient solutions to this issue is the addition of surveillance cameras in the streets, shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas by the authorities to spot any unlawful act right away. This way, citizens will sense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, In the UAE, for 24 hour security of citizens every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
place has cameras monitored by the police to
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the criminal acts.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose a law on the news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, not to showcase previous criminal reports
frequently
on television, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and newspapers, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adding angst among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
will broadcast the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of the society, it will impact
positively
on the minds of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the citizens feel safe and sound in their country, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take necessary actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
fear-free and secure life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay 11. A sociology class requires that students expose themselves to day-to-day work in a local social service agency. To do this, students can choose to volunteer at one specific agency, or they can choose to visit two or three agencies and write up their o v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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