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Agree or disagree: In order to success in study or job，the ability to adapt or adjust to a changing condition or circumstance is more important than having excellent knowledge of a job or in a field of study. v.1

Agree or disagree: In order to success in study or job，the ability to adapt or adjust to a changing condition or circumstance is more important than having excellent knowledge of a job or in a field of study. v. 1
In this day and age, it is irrefutable to say that our eating habits play a pivotal in determining our health. Some people think that we should prefer a vegetarian diet to non-vegetarian as the meat can substantially aid in health-related issues. In my opinion, the aforementioned observation is totally valid and we should look forward to become a vegetarian. First of all, eating meat has the potential possibility of causing chronic diseases. An excess of fat in the meat can trigger high cholesterol and blood pressure in our bodies. Moreover, it has also been noted that, eating muscles of some animals has been the main source of spreading diseases of very serious in nature. For example, pigs and chicken are found to carry a virus that causes bird flu. In addition, non-veg diets includes killing of innocent animals and birds, which is unethical and promotes cruelty in our society. On the contrary, vegetables and fruits are known to have rich content of essential vitamins, minerals, proteins and fibres. They not only keep you healthy, but also provide us enough energy and stamina to meet up our daily physical and mental requirements. According to a survey from the World Health Organisation in 2016 on over 100 people suffering from diabetes, those who changed their diet from non-vegetarian to vegetarian, reported a 20% decrease in their sugar levels. If the vegetarian diet has so many benefits over meat, doesn't it seem quite valid to say that vegetarian diets are much better for our well-being? Yes, it surely is. To conclude, every one of us has the right to have robust health and we should ignore foods that can hamper our fitness. Although meat is considered tastier than vegetables and grains, however; it has all the ingredients that can cause serious fitness problems. I am sanguine, people would take cognizance of this fact and would choose vegetarian foods over meat.
In this day and age, it is irrefutable to say that our eating habits play a pivotal in determining our health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should prefer a vegetarian diet to non-vegetarian as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
can
substantially
aid in health-related issues. In my opinion, the aforementioned observation is
totally
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
valid and
we should look forward
In the grammatical structure 'look + forward + to + verb', the verb 'to' is used with the gerund: "to becoming".
to become
a vegetarian.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
has the potential possibility of causing chronic diseases. An excess of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
can trigger high cholesterol and blood pressure in our bodies.
Moreover
, it has
also
been noted
that, eating muscles of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
animals has been the main source of spreading diseases of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious in nature.
For example
, pigs and chicken
are found
to carry a virus that causes bird flu.
In addition
, non-veg diets includes killing of innocent animals and birds, which is unethical and promotes cruelty in our society.

On the contrary
, vegetables and fruits
are known
to have rich content of essential vitamins, minerals, proteins and
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibres' is British English.
fibres
. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you healthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
energy and stamina to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up our daily physical and mental requirements. According to a survey from the World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
in 2016 on over 100
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffering from diabetes, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their diet from non-vegetarian to vegetarian, reported a 20% decrease in their sugar levels. If the vegetarian diet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
, doesn't it seem quite valid to say that vegetarian diets are much better for our well-being? Yes, it
surely
is.

To conclude
, every one of us has the right to have robust
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
foods that can hamper our fitness. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
is considered
tastier than vegetables and grains,
however
; it has all the ingredients that can cause serious fitness problems. I am sanguine,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would take cognizance of this fact and would choose vegetarian foods over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or disagree: In order to success in study or job，the ability to adapt or adjust to a changing condition or circumstance is more important than having excellent knowledge of a job or in a field of study. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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