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The woman states her opinion about the new library regulations. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

The woman states her opinion about the new library regulations. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Younger generation these days have an impact on their friends and social media on their lives. Some people, however, are of the opinion that they are affected by their guardians. I will discuss both the aspects and will also give my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs. The first and the foremost, social media has had a great impact on youth over the recent years. Excessive use of applications, namely Facebook and YouTube have resulted in juvenile delinquency because children imitate what they see on the internet daily. Furthermore, dating application such as tinder leads to debauchery. In addition, the society and the environment are by far responsible for the behaviour of an individual, and children follow their friends since they spend most of their time with them. A recent study shows that children nowadays use mobile phones for around 9-10 hours daily with access to almost all the tools social media without any restrictions, and that too without getting noticed by their parents. On the other hand, however, there is a widely held perception that children obey their parents. The first school of the child is mother's lap, and they learn the teachings of their mothers and fathers during their childhood. Thus, parents should develop camaraderie with their offsprings and guide them to be abstemious in their habits to develop endurance. To conclude, in my opinion, although adolescents learn ethics and moral values of their parents, they tend to be influenced more by their peers and media. They abnegate their elders' beliefs when they grow up in the society of modern thinkers. Therefore, it is obvious that these aspects dominate the guidance of their parents in their lives.
Younger generation these days have an impact on their friends and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
, are of the opinion that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their guardians. I will discuss both the aspects and will
also
give my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs.

The
first
and the foremost, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has had a great impact on youth over the recent years. Excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of applications,
namely
Facebook and YouTube have resulted in juvenile delinquency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
imitate what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on the internet daily.
Furthermore
, dating application such as tinder leads to debauchery.
In addition
, the society and the environment are by far responsible for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of an individual, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
follow their friends since they spend most of their time with them. A recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile phones for around 9-10 hours daily with access to almost all the tools social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
without any restrictions, and that too without getting noticed by their parents.

On the other hand
,
however
, there is a
widely
held perception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obey their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The
first
school of the child is mother's lap, and they learn the teachings of their mothers and fathers during their childhood.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should develop camaraderie with their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
and guide them to be abstemious in their habits to develop endurance.

To conclude
, in my opinion, although adolescents learn ethics and moral values of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they tend to
be influenced
more by their peers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. They abnegate their elders' beliefs when they grow up in the society of modern thinkers.
Therefore
, it is obvious that these aspects dominate the guidance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The woman states her opinion about the new library regulations. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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