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agree or disagree for the successful development of a country it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children five to ten years old than to spend money on universities v.1

agree or disagree for the successful development of a country it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children five to ten years old than to spend money on universities v. 1
It is believed that education is one of the most important factors of the individual development and prosperity of societies. From my point of view, I think that there are some ways educations should follow to fulfil these functions. To begin with, besides general studying programs, education should focus on enhancing students’ skills. Firstly, students need to be equipped with comprehensive skills, including problems-solving skills, critical thinking skills, job-related skills and teamwork skills. At school, teachers should divide the class into some teams which make students know how to work together effectively. Additionally, schools should invite some experts to teach students more life skills such as how to survive in dangerous places, … Furthermore, each lesson should have theoretical and practical aspects. Nowadays, students only have to study some theoretical subjects. Therefore, although, they have good knowledge about the subject, they do not know how to apply it to their life. To sum up, if students have comprehensive skills and more practice, the development of the societies will be more stable. Moreover, schools need to teach students to have a social responsibility. In particular, schools should organize some actual experienced excursions, thus, students can learn how to live in harmony with the nature and improve their behaviour. What is more, teachers can make students aware of difficult circumstance of some people in the world and students can know how to sympathize with other people. As a result, the societies will be more cultural and “greener”. In conclusion, education should enhance students ‘skills and make students have a social responsibility in order to develop individual and well-being societies.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors of the individual development and prosperity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
should follow to fulfil these functions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
besides
general studying programs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should focus on enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to
be equipped
with comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, including problems-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, critical thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, job-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, teachers should divide the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teams which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
know how to work together
effectively
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should invite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as how to survive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
places, …
Furthermore
, each lesson should have theoretical and practical aspects. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
theoretical subjects.
Therefore
, although, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge about the subject, they do not know how to apply it to their life. To sum up, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and more practice, the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
will be more stable.

Moreover
,
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schools
need to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have a social responsibility.
In particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actual experienced excursions,
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony with the nature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
What is more
, teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
aware of difficult circumstance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can know how to sympathize with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
will be more cultural and “greener”.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
‘
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a social responsibility in order to develop individual and well-being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay agree or disagree for the successful development of a country it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children five to ten years old than to spend money on universities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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