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Online education and training are becoming increasingly popular in the business world. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Online education and training are becoming increasingly popular in the business world. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Nowadays, an effective part of our life depends on technology and it impresses our reading habits. A large number of people prefer to read online news while some argued that the newspaper will be the most important source of news. Though, I believe that in future people will give up their traditional habit of reading and move to digital news. There are many benefits to reading news on the internet. First, it seems to be more convenient and facile. As more people have mobiles, laptops, tablets and so on, as a result, finding whatever they want on the internet will be easy. Also, they have access to any variety of news such as movies, sports, education, technology, politics, business, entertainment, and world news, which by searching your purpose keyword then you can read its related news. The second privilege of digital news is that they are up to date. Despite traditional newspaper which is getting updated once a day, digital news allows people to search the latest news. Because I think it is crucial for someone who is a business person. For example, my husband trades and must know the latest news about business and politics to avoid financial losses. Furthermore, having assessed to the news on the internet has a role in saving more money and decreasing its environmental footprint since digital news does not need to be printed so there is no need using papers and cutting trees which resulted in omitting the demand to buy newspaper consequently people can deposit much more. As well prevention of tree destruction which is the main source in paper mills so the emitted greenhouse gases produced by anthropogenic activities will be deducted. Finally, it could help the natural environment and it will be environmentally friendly. However, the older generation does not know how to use the internet and digital tools aiming to look for the latest news, therefore, it seems to be difficult. Especially in rural areas, it may become hard to get online and has access to online news thus they will prefer newspaper. To summarize, I think newspapers are not the main source of news, but gradually people may move to digitize news as improvement of technology.
Nowadays, an effective part of our life depends on technology and it impresses our reading habits.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to read online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
will be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. Though, I believe that in future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will give up their traditional habit of reading and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to digital news.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet.
First
, it seems to be more convenient and facile. As more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have mobiles, laptops, tablets and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
as a result
, finding whatever they want on the internet will be easy.
Also
, they have access to any variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
such as movies, sports, education, technology, politics, business, entertainment, and world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, which by searching your purpose keyword then you can read its related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. The second privilege of digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is that they are up to date. Despite traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
which is getting updated once a day, digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to search the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is crucial for someone who is a business person.
For example
, my husband trades and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about business and politics to avoid financial losses.

Furthermore
, having assessed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet has a role in saving more money and decreasing its environmental footprint since digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
does not need to
be printed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is no need using papers and cutting trees which resulted in omitting the demand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can deposit much more.
As well
prevention of tree destruction which is the main source in paper mills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the emitted greenhouse gases produced by anthropogenic activities will
be deducted
.
Finally
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the natural environment and it will be
environmentally
friendly.

However
, the older generation does not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet and digital tools aiming to look for the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
therefore
, it seems to be difficult.
Especially
in rural areas, it may become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
online and has access to online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
thus
they will prefer newspaper.

To summarize
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
are not the main source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
gradually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to digitize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as improvement of technology.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Online education and training are becoming increasingly popular in the business world. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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