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Write a letter to your English speaking friend who is visiting you soon and asking you what presents your family would like. Write- Who your family consists ofWhat kind of presents each member would like. How you feel about v.1

Write a letter to your English speaking friend who is visiting you soon and asking you what presents your family would like. Write- Who your family consists ofWhat kind of presents each member would like. How you feel about v. 1
The obesity is the most appeared health trouble in the world. Particularly, developed countries in western have been coped with this problem for ten years due to one and a five proportion of overweight children. In this essay discussed the causes of eating too much with effect, why the population has been effected on this disease and how it impact on their well-being. First of all, in the obese people rapidly increase at the modern cities. Some research claims that the fast food or fatty food may induce the growth obesity. In addition, the modern lifestyle exposes the change our health habits. Both of factors link to occur obese family in the result of the that children are deprived wholesome foods. For instance, the modern societies have many daily chores and the majority of community cannot find for eating, so that their preferences change to ready foods. One research reveals that the most of the family does not make a cook in their home. Moreover, the families feed their children with take away foods. Secondly, The major problem of the overweight child's symptoms not reveal up to date that the symptoms will unearth the at the older ages. For example, According to the medical professions, the most patients had cardiological are same diagnosis when they are overweight in their childhood. Furthermore, the fatty foods are stocked in the blood vessels and change the blood hormones. To the conclude, as seen that the population of overweight children has an effect on their families and the obesity occur that the major health problem in the population.
The obesity is the most appeared health trouble in the world.
Particularly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
in western have
been coped
with this problem for ten years due to one and a five proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In this essay discussed the causes of eating too much with effect, why the population has
been effected
on this disease and how it
Did you mean "impacts"?
impact
on their well-being.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in the obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rapidly
increase at the modern cities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
research claims that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
may induce the growth obesity.
In addition
, the modern lifestyle exposes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our health habits. Both of factors link to occur obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in the result of the that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are deprived
wholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
For instance
, the modern societies have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
daily chores and the majority of community cannot find for eating,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their preferences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to ready
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. One research reveals that the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a cook in their home.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
feed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with take away foods.

Secondly
, The major problem of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
child's symptoms not reveal up to date that the symptoms will unearth the at the older ages.
For example
, According to the medical professions, the most patients had
Possible spelling mistake found.
cardiological
are same diagnosis when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
in their childhood.
Furthermore
, the fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are stocked
in the blood vessels and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the blood hormones.

To
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'conclude' is correct. If 'conclude' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the conclude
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has an effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and the obesity occur that the major health problem in the population.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Write a letter to your English speaking friend who is visiting you soon and asking you what presents your family would like. Write- Who your family consists ofWhat kind of presents each member would like. How you feel about v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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