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Agree or disagree? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v.2

Agree or disagree? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v. 2
Many people adhere to the view that in modern society, young people are required to be organised due to their complexity of life. In what follows, I will identify the most conspicuous reasons to justify my point of view. The first point to be mentioned is that there is complexity in learn subjects, so children have to choose carefully how to study in their limited time. For example, when I was fourteen, many of the students in my school went to a cram school after our school hours. Firstly, I went to one of the most prestigious cram schools, which was located far from my house, so it was difficult to keep going there in my limited time. Even though the quality of the class was great, I soon realised that it was time-consuming and less effective for me to attend both classes in a day. Therefore, I began taking part in the online course at home instead of going to the cram school. This was able to save a lot of and I could concentrate on my studying, thus my academic assessment had been improved significantly. As this example illustrates, the ability to plan studying in their limited time is regarded as a crucial factor contributing to the thriving of young people. Another equally significant point to be mentioned is that in this society, young people have to organise their time to succeed in the competitive job market. My personal experience is a compelling example. When I was a junior at my university in Japan, a job market opened around spring season. Compared with a Western country, a student in a Japanese university starts job hunting much earlier. Thus, while we were taking the university’s classes, we also had to prepare some application documents such as CVs, recommendation letters and portfolios. I had ten interviews in just a week making my schedule complex. Additionally, after my absence from a class due to those job interviews, it was necessary to submit an additional essay to catch up on my credit. Thus, we were required to have a great time-management skill to balance both job hunting and studying in the same season. Therefore, my anecdotal experience highlights that the ability of time management is essential for students who are doing job hunting. In brief, I strongly agree with the statement that it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adhere to the view that in modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are required
to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
due to their complexity of life. In what follows, I will identify the most conspicuous reasons to justify my point of view.

The
first
point to
be mentioned
is that there is complexity in learn subjects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose
carefully
how to study in their limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, when I was fourteen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the students in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
went to
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'cram' is correct. If 'cram' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a cram
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
after our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours.
Firstly
, I went to one of the most prestigious cram
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, which
was located
far from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it was difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
going there in my limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Even though
the quality of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
was great, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that it was time-consuming and less effective for me to attend both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in a day.
Therefore
, I began taking part in the online course at home
instead
of going to
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'cram' is correct. If 'cram' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the cram
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This was able to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
and I could concentrate on my studying,
thus
my academic assessment had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
significantly
. As this example illustrates, the ability to plan studying in their limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is regarded
as a crucial factor contributing to the thriving of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another
equally
significant point to
be mentioned
is that in this society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to succeed in the competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market. My personal experience is a compelling example. When I was a junior at my university in Japan, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market opened around spring season. Compared with a Western country, a student in a Japanese university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunting much earlier.
Thus
, while we were taking the university’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, we
also
had to prepare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
application documents such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
CVs
, recommendation letters and portfolios. I had ten interviews in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a week making my schedule complex.
Additionally
, after my absence from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
due to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
interviews, it was necessary to submit an additional essay to catch up on my credit.
Thus
, we
were required
to have a great time-management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to balance both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunting and studying in the same season.
Therefore
, my anecdotal experience highlights that the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management is essential for students who are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunting.

In brief
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have the ability to plan and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Agree or disagree? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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